Cant stop crying tonight

I lost my partner Kerrie just over 2 months ago she was 46 and had stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to the the brain and other parts . She was given 12 - 18 months with the chemo tablets but after one week on them she became very sick and had to stop any chemo treatment . six months and she was taken from me . Talking helps and this place makes it a litre easier to do so you can say exactly how you feel and never any judgement but always understanding. Its not easy but everyone is here to listen and support x

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I’m right there with you crying too. I lost my partner just before Christmas. He was 50, far too young, just like your partner.
I’ve only just found this forum and I think it might be helpful to be able to pour your feelings out here.
I wish you all the best in finding your way through all this. x

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Thank you Tj60
Im so sorry to here of your loss too. It really helps talking to people who understand and on here we don’t get judged and good to just say it how it really is . Always good to talk x

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Talking here does help - I’m finding the days getting ever so much harder at the moment. Feel so alone and worried about the future.
Am exhausted with all the crying and all the trying to hold it all together.
Xx

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Thats exactly where i am and I really don’t know how much longer i can do this . Feeling alone and not having that someone who is able to make everything better is fucking hard . Going through a difficult time and not having that support is just so hard to get through xx

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I know - it is so hard.
I feel so alone and feel no one really gets me. I miss my husband so much and the gaping hole is so big I don’t know if I can keep going as well.
But I have kids and it’s my sons birthday tomorrow so I try to keep going for them.
But I dread the day they all leave and I have to face my life on my own without him or anyone else. I don’t see a way forward at the moment but maybe tomorrow will be a better day for us both. Xx

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Your getting by the best you can and being there for your kids you should be proud. Im trying hard too I have a daughter shes 24 and i have a grandson this has been an intense battle and sometimes I think im doing ok but then it all comes back and hits me hard :face_exhaling: Im here if you need a chat too ok xx

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We get you.

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Good morning @Matmanf1

I find that it comes in waves, I go from being quite optimistic. I’m still here, I have to live and find enjoyment what’s the point in a life of misery he would hate that for me. Then after a few days of feeling ok, it like slaps me in in the face and I can’t stop crying and looking at his pictures. Then I kind of feel numb. The feeling of looking your identity to really unnerving. For 18 years it was me and him against the world, it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore.

Nothing could ever prepare you for the loss of your life partner. The feelings and thoughts at times are overwhelming. What’s getting me through is that I know we will meet again and he is now watching over me and is around I can feel him.

Someone on here said that as the grief is a big part of lives we need to make our lives bigger so that the grief doesn’t consume us.

Hope you have a better day today :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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That sounds exactly like me definitely comes in waves and hits hard . Thank you for your words all this definitely helps a bit x

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@Matmanf1 @Katyh I feel the Sam even after three years the Grief t gets me and the anxiety feels overwhelming. Trying to find you when you’ve been a couple is horrendous. The thought makes me anxious. I try to keep busy with ironing and walking the dog but sometimes I just feel overwhelmed and cry to let it go but it feels exhausting. Send hugs x

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Hi @Nel

Not sure of your situation but I bet its harder if your at retirement age,. learning a new identity and how to live as you and not an “us” I’m 37 amd I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but I am looking forward to going back to work. I never thought that would be the case, when it first happened I could never imagine going back. I lost him 8 weeks ago and have really come along way since then. It amazes me how strong and adaptable we actually are. Fuck knows we’re the strength comes from but it comes from within. I also like to think my Andrew is guiding me and sending me strength :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:Xx

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@Matmanf1

Your welcome :hugs:

Keep talking to people even if you think it’s nonsense, I find it helpful chatting on here is like my new little hobby :rofl:. It helps me and hopefully helps others to have a chat, it’s a nice distraction!

Have you watched afterlife on netflix?

Xx

I totally get that feeling , was feeling like I was coming to terms with her not being here , then being back in Belfast ( we live in Manchester) for the ceremony her mum had done yesterday and seeing/having loads of people asking how are you etc , has me feeling like I’m back at square one and we have just lost her . I’m having the same pain and longing inside that I did 13 weeks ago and I just want to go be with her .
If there really is a god ( and I do believe there is but am not particularly religious ) then this is some really cruel shit he puts us through .
Anyway back to getting through one hour at a time and hopefully work my way back to a day at a time soon x

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Good morning @Matmanf1

So sorry for your loss my friend.
I lost my Wife of 31 years Anna to metastatic Cancer at the start of November last year aged only 51, she had battled that evil disease for 16 months before it got the better of her.
Everything you have said resonates so much with me, in the beginning the grief was all consuming, i spent hour upon hour every day crying & asking why ? why ? something i was never going to find the answer to. As time has progressed i have good days & bad days, albeit more bad than good, but when the darkness descends on any given day it’s as if I’m right back to the very beginning of my grief journey. This might last a day or two then it seems to lift a little & i can manage a little better for a day or so. There is no pattern to this, it can happen at any time but when the wave comes it’s so overwhelming.
I’m on my own although i do have a grown up Son and Daughter & two beautiful Granddaughters who i adore that i try to see at weekends as they live a fair way out from me. I have no other family since my Parents passed years ago & although i had what i considered quite a solid circle of friends , they all seemed to distance themselves from me whilst my Wife was ill & they’ve not been in touch since she passed, so i tend to be pretty much on my own most of the time.
I have this past weekend attended a session arranged by the local Hospice that cared for my Wife in her final months called Stepping Stones, it’s for people who have lost someone close to them to meet & share their thoughts and experiences since becoming bereaved, i was a little apprehensive about it at first & was considering giving it a miss but my Son came on Saturday morning and convinced me to give it a go, I’m glad i did being honest, it wasn’t as bad as i had expected. It’s held once a month on a Saturday morning on a cuppa & a chat type basis but i met some nice people in the same position as me & may well attend again next month.
I just try to take whatever each day throws at me & hope that the darker days become fewer as time passes.
Take care my friend & above all be kind to yourself.
Sending You Love & strength

Derek xx❤️

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Hi Derek im so sorry to here of your loss . Thank you for your message its means alot and I so understand and thats why I think this place is great for sharing your feelings, situations venting . I definitely agree grief is so deeply personal . I do think it helps to talk and im or all of us are here whenever you want to reach out .
Matt

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All we can do is a day at a time . Its not easy but good to have some family around. Be kind to yourself x

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@Matmanf1
Thanks for your reply mate.
Having someone to talk to is very important, it’s difficult to talk to both of my Children as they are also grieving the loss of their Mom, fortunately i was contacted by the Hospice about the group sessions just at the right time as i have been really struggling of late.
Hopefully this will help as time progresses but only time will tell.
I am so pleased to have engaged on this forum in the knowledge that everyone here has experienced the same situation.
Take care my friend,

Derek x :heart:

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I recommend a book paperback or audio which I got its really easy nice to listen to don’t even have to bother turning pages .
Author Gary Roe American works in hospice and grief work Texas .
Book : Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart

Listen to Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart by Gary Roe on Audible. https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/B0848QZND9?source_code=ASSOR150021921000V