Hi I have been posting on this forum for quite a few months now and I have found it helpful that people who have been through loss understand my feelings.Its 2a.m cant sleep so just wanted to say how I am feeling now.I lost hubby 12 years ago my son our only child helped me through cos of course he was grieving too.My son and I spent alot of time together he never married or had children .He did have a long term relationship that ended but they stayed friends and 3 of us were close.Devastatingly his ex died 4 years ago.We were heartbroken.At this point my son had been diagnosed with cancer later COPD and alchoholism.He died 12 months ago next month.He was a wonderful caring clever man who told me he loved me every day thanked me for all my love and support because he did go through a hell of alot poor thing.He treated me like a queen.
Gosh I get up in the morning crying I go to bed crying and cry for good part of the day I feel as though everything is pointless.I miss him and his love so much.The two people that I loved most that loved me most are gone.I am physically exhausted with my sadness.I have lovely friends family I do get out I have short breaks but at the end of the day I am on my own in my home without my boys.God its so bloody painful and hard.Even though I am awake now I do manage to sleep sometimes its the only respite from my sadness.Sorry to waffle on and I know basically just got to get up each day and carry on but just wanted to express how I am feeling.Thanks and love to all on this forum that are going through their personal loss xxxxx
Hello @Marg1. I’m so dreadfully sorry for the loss of your husband and then your lovely son. Please don’t apologise for ‘waffling on’, that’s what this site is for. You are obviously in a great deal of pain at the moment and it’s best to release it wherever and whenever. There is always someone to listen and support. I fully understand about being on your own. I have a wonderful, supportive family and friends but I still have to come home to an empty house and it is devastating. I cry every time I come home from anywhere. I hope you get some sleep tonight. Big cuddle to you. Jean.
Oh Jean thank you so very much for your lovely response I wasnt sure if anybody would be out there really at this time.But of course we are all suffering in the same way whatever the time.My love to you in your sadness your grief.Its hard Jean.Ye will try get my head down now get some sleep.Hope you manage too as well xxxxx
Im so very sorry 
just heartbreaking. This site has helped me not feel so alone in such desperate pain, since losing my precious son suddenly age 22 
Hello Marg - so sorry to hear you are so low at the moment . I responded to a few of your posts a few months ago and we both commented on how similar our boys stories and their personalities are. I feel for you very much. It is so awful to be awake at night crying for your losses and needing them so much. For me well pretty much the same and yes it is terribly hard . I use the old fashioned talking books from the library to at least provide a bit of soothing and distraction . My worst nights are when I am crying for jonny and me berating myself because I seem to be grieving more for jonny than for Adrian who also died in 2021. Its all a bit hard isi’nt it? You know I really admire you Marg, you get up and you get out there and do things, meet up with people, go on trips . You grieve for your loved ones but also wipe away the tears and carry on living as well as you can. I have also
noticed that however you feel you spend time posting to others always offering your support and understanding . Your beloved son and husband will be proud of you . I think the crying and the insomnia seem to be something a lot of bereaved people unfortunately. . I no longer fight it, its a case of a good cry, 2 cups of camomile tea and a good turnpager.
I also have a chat with the boys. I hope you feel a bit lighter soon, I do admire you Marg and send strengths
and blessings Xxx
Hi Jenna thank you so very much for your lovely response to my post.It does mean such alot that people like you who have been through so much also,do understand the inexplicable pain.I have had a weepy afternoon however I have been going to a beautiful b and b not too far from home several times since I lost Mark last few times on my own.I came home today Mark always greeted me but no more.Anyway its a place I love to chill and the hostess is a marvellous lady and we have become friends.Of course she never knew Mark but going there is good.Strange really because I have a lovely little comfy bungalow maybe memories here overwhelm me not that I would move.I see you have your audio books and reading I am sure that helps to get engrossed in a good book can only be a good but brief distraction.I really wish I could get back into reading and listening again to music.Jenna we all do what we can to get through each day whilst living with our grief.Yes its so very very hard.I do enjoy a camomile tea too myself now and again.To be honest Jenna tonight I have had couple pink gins! No more than 2 ha ha thats a road not to go down.Well my love to you I dont know if you manage to get away now and again.Its certainly not a fix nothing will do that but a little change of scene now and again is good.Sorry I am waffling again.Once again many thanks love Marg x
Jenna hi again I just had a quick look back on yourprofile.You have responded withlove and caring words to many people.To have lost two sons must be horrendous for you unreal.Sadly my late husbands sister has also lost two sons 30 and 47.Sadly it has lead to very poor mental health for her.However Jenna judging by the care you continue to show to others I feel you will manage to get through each day whilst coping with your unimaginable loss Marg xxxxx
Thank you lovely Margxx