Can't tell mum my sister has died because of her alzheimers.

Looking to the future
1

I have just lost my sister. She died from a complication of Crohns disease. I have crohns disease. I have escaped from an abusive relationship. My current partner is controlling. My mum has alzheimers. She doesn’t know about my sisters death - she wouldn’t cope. Mum is miles away in residential care. I talk to her everyday. I have to lie and say that everything is fine.

2

Dear ACG,
I too have kept the news of my husbands passing in August 2017 from my mother in law as she also has Alzheimer’s. She has only asked once about him as she has little awareness now, it broke my heart but I told her he was at work. He was an only child so I have deputyship over her affairs, she is in a home but nearby thankfully. I think you are doing the right thing by not telling her as you would have to repeat it constantly which would have a detrimental effect on you. You will find support here, also have you contacted the Crohns society, they may be able to help you.
Take care,
Jakkles

3

Thank you for your response. I’ll be phoning mum later for our daily chat. My sister used to travel a lot, so I’ll be saying she’s on holiday again. In a way, it’s nice to think of it like that myself sometimes. A friend phoned me earlier to remind me not to be anxious about my crohns disease as my condition is in remission at the moment. This was timely I suppose because the more I stress about it the more likely I’ll feel ill! Lovely to share thoughts and experiences. Thank you again xxx

4

Hi. ACG,
Little white lies are fine. It becomes necessary at times to say nothing about someone passing to anyone with dementia. My wife had dementia and I kept a lot from her. Why worry them when they are mostly ok in their own way. Also you have to consider yourself. We are all under stress and any extra burdens could be the last straw. This is not being selfish but practical. Someone has to keep their head in such circumstances. I am sorry to hear about your relationship problems. Added burdens are all you need. Now take care. We are here and we listen. you are not alone.

5

I totally agree. Thank you for your warm and caring response. It is good to get support from kind people such as yourself. Thank you.