Hi we lost our beautiful mum in March and it’s completely changed our lives. My dad is gradually getting stronger, I see him every day and we do lots of things together and also with the immediate family. I have a brother who lives locally who hardly helps. Never sees dad unless there’s a family event but phones him every day. Before my mum passed away I had 2 months off work to care and arrange phone calls with drs etc. after my mum passed away it feels my brother resents me as so many people had me as the contact. They only had my number as I was there. Since then he makes no effort and he made a comment about not feeling part of the family. This is obviously upsetting but a counsellor told me I cannot be held responsible for his actions. It’s a hard situation as I’m grieving, supporting my father, have a young family and working full time. How do we move on? My brother can be very self centred
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
The below Sue Ryder resources may be of some help to you and your family.
○ Grief Guide: https://selfhelp.sueryder.org
○ Grief Coach: https://sueryder.grief.coach/
Take good care,
Your counsellor is right, you are not responsible for your brother’s actions. It sounds like you have done a great job, being there for your mum before her passing and now doing what you can to support your dad. You should be proud of yourself…and your brother should be grateful that you took it all on. I’m sure at any stage he could have been more involved, but has left it to you.
You are not alone in experiencing your situation. It’s almost like my older brother is scared of spending any time alone with my elderly parents, he’s always too busy. I feel like saying sometimes, get your priorities sorted…but I guess he’s the one who’s going to have to live with himself when they are no longer here…wishing he’d done more.
When I lost my husband, I could honestly say I could not have done more, and I intend to be there for my parents too as it’s too late once they’re gone.
Keep doing what you are doing. Your brother needs to stand up and grow up (harsh, but true). If I was being kinder, perhaps try and encourage your brother to be involved (not that you should need to as he should be anyway).
Look after yourself in amongst it all, take care. x