Caring for Dad, post-stroke and post-psychosis

Losing a parent
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Unsure if this category counts as ‘losing a parent’, ‘end of life’, or ‘loss as a child’…. but I can’t select all 3.

I’m having a low day. When I was 13, my Dad made a violent attempt to take his own life, suffered a huge stroke as a result, and we were told he wouldn’t survive after life support was switched off. He lived. But he was left brain damaged, paralysed and epileptic. It’s 21 years later and my younger brother and I have been his legal, financial, healthcare support while he remains in residential care, severely depressed and with ever-changing clinical needs. He has no community or family, doesn’t leave the building, and has no idea what the world looks like now. The loss/guilt/weight of responsibility can be overwhelming. We said goodbye to him in ICU all those years ago as kids and I’ve been navigating a cyclical, anticipatory grief ever since.

I’ve had great therapists but rarely meet or read lived experience from people whose grief is as complex and compounded as my own. Any takers?

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@LouJ, thank you for bravely sharing this. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through such a traumatic event with your dad when you were young, and 21 years of witnessing him in residential care. It sounds incredibly difficult and traumatic for you and your family, and it also sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt and responsibility which I can imagine is overwhelming.

I’m sure others here will relate to your experience of anticipatory grief, which can be particularly complicated when someone is in care long-term. In the meantime, you might also find our information on anticipatory grief helpful: Anticipatory Grief - Grieving Before Someone Dies | Sue Ryder

Please keep posting here if it helps, and remember that you’re not alone :blue_heart:

Harriet

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