I don’t think any of us know how to do this. I know I had to scream, I had to shout, I had to weep. I had to be angry at the NHS for not letting my man go on another clinical trial, angry at Marie Curie for not sending nurses when we needed help, at the pharmacy for not bringing the right meds, angry at him for not getting diagnosed earlier, furious at myself for not being able to stand in front of the oncoming freight train of cancer, hold up my hand and stop it.
I don’t know why I’m using the past tense, I still feel all of that. It’s only been a couple of months. A time of total disorientation , of not knowing who I am, not being able to focus on the never ending sadminnot knowing what to eat, not knowing how I’m going to get through another day. I’m coming to realise I’ve got to let the anger go, got to try to be grateful that the pain has stopped and attempt to think about my lovely man when he was fit and well and hiking up mountains with me, not when he was uncomplainingly disintegrating in front of my eyes.
Take care of yourself.
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I so feel your pain and emotions. My husband died in November and i still can’t come to terms with any of it. Ive no idea what im feeling or how im supposed to feel!?! Im in hibernation mode right now. Don’t want to see anyone, speak to anyone or feel anyone x
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