Carrying on

Sorry I haven’t been on a while. I thought I was doing OK, I’m not. Lost my grandad a month ago as you know 23rd july. I was OK but things seem to be getting worse. People I mean family seem to be carrying on as if nothing has happened, why is it me that is still sad and can’t move on. My nana is OK it’s like now he’s gone, she can get out and enjoy herself. X

Hey Everett,
I’m coming to learn it’s normal for the reality of losing a loved one to set in a little later than you might expect. I lost my Nan on 17 August and much like you, thought I was OK. I took some time off work to “do my grief” like I thought I should, even got back to work the day before the funeral. Since the funeral I’ve been totally different. Low, crying at any given moment, just not knowing what to do with myself.

It’s easy to look around and really resent people and family for getting by, managing to function, when you yourself are crippling and crumbling. I don’t doubt for a second those people are grieving too though, they’re just grieving differently. Are you able to reach out to your family or friends? Or have you accessed support from your GP?

It’s OK not to feel OK right now. I’m glad I discovered this forum because already I feel less alone than this morning.

Take care.

Hi all, I lost my 53 year old sister to cancer on 29th July, and still find each day a struggle, am currently signed off work until the end of September, but I keep expecting it to get easier every day, instead I am still struggling and still shed tears most days. OH doesn’t seem to understand how upset I am, never got on that well with my brother in law and although I have offered to help him out he seems to think he is the only one grieving. He has said he does not want me when he scatters the ashes in 2 weeks time as it should be a ‘family’ occasion (ie only him and my 2 nephews) he doesn’t seem to understand that she was my sister for many more years than she was his wife. I’d even had discussions with my sister about where and how the ashes would be scattered. I just feel that by being there might help me feel better and try to move onto accepting her loss.

I have read most of the threads on this forum and can relate to many of them.

Hi Snoopyfan,

It’s funny isn’t it when some people get almost righteous about grief like only they are entitled. In my own situation I’ve noticed that between my aunt and mum. I think because my aunt spent more time with my Nan before she passed, she can sometimes act like she deserves more talk time because of it. But people really do grieve very differently.

As for your expectation around feeling better every day, all I can say is to try and let go of any expectation around what grief should or shouldn’t look like. Sure, you’d hope the general pattern over time would be improvement, but over that space of time you’ll experience ups and downs all the time. It’s healthy to cry. Yet I know when you’re crying day after day you somehow develop a mindset of not “handling” things. You are handling this, and you’re handling it in your own way.

Are you looking forward to going back to work yet? I’m off work myself too at the moment and feel very passive. It’s like I just don’t care about something menial like work right now.

Take care.

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