My wife died in July after a slow, then accelerated decline. I’ll be 80 in August and we had planned somethng special with the family. NOw when they ask me I say I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to do anything. How can I celebrate being alive when she isn’t?
But then I think is this just self pity? If they want to do somethng for me, why should I deny them that?
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My husband died in October and he would of been 60th this coming Monday, he loved a good party as long as it was somebody else’s but he did say he wanted a 60th, I know this isn’t the same situation as yours but I have arranged a party at home to remember him for his 60th and after the initial decision to do it I wobbled a lot! I’m now approaching Saturday with mixed feelings and know it will be emotional. Reaching 80 is something to celebrate and you can keep it as small as you like or go for a big celebration only you will know if it feels right and it gives you the opportunity to be with people who knew your wife and you may get great comfort from that. X
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So sorry @TopFace . Perhaps you could have an event to celebrate and remember your wife? I didn’t have a wake after my partner died, as I couldn’t face it, but I had a celebration of his life a few weeks later. Lots of people came to share their memories of him, and it was a lovely, memorable occasion. I also bought a book, and asked people to write their memories of him there, and it’s now such a treasured possession.
Hi Topface I am in exactly the same position it is my 60th in December and my family keep asking what do you want to o have you decided yet but to be honest I have no inclination to celebrate it as my hubby is not here to be by my side so it feels pointless 
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Thank you everyone, so I’m not alone in indecision. She had a lovely wake, joyous but reflective. I like the idea of a memory book but too late now, though many of the cards have the same effect in what people have written. I’m inclined to ask one of the kids to arrange a party or BBQ in their garden just for kids and grandchildren. I don’t like the thought of them not having the chance to do something for me which is what I’m sure they want to do.
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Ive just rejoined after 4 years and i decided i would not post any advice or
get involved in telling anyone how they should or shouldnt act after losing
their soulmates.
This birthday thread as stirred my emotions. See after losing Jayne,
I told my mum and brothers and friends do not ever send me christmas
cards or birthday cards , As i do not want anything, Christmas
and birthdays mean bugger all to me, Without the love of my life.
I do however get my nieces and nephews chrismas presents
and only birthday presents on the 18th and 21st
as then no one can moan as they are all treated the same.
No one as got me a card or present since losing Jayne
and thats exactly what i wanted.
My 60th was 19th June and i couldnt give a toss,
Luckily every one as listened and didnt contact me or anything,
As i dont want any one saying Happy birthday either
And any one over the years who as sent a christmas card or birthday
card as had it binned and been told to please stop.
As i do not want them.
I understand every one as to make their own choices,
And if you are happy with family making a fuss of you
on your birthday, Special one or not ,
Go ahead do what ever makes you feel ok.
But do not be bullied into something you are not happy doing.
As long as i draw breath i will do something special on Jaynes birthday.
But mine means eff all without my special lady.
I lost Jayne 10th Feb 2019 , 3 days before her 53 birthday.
And i feel exactly the same as that paricular day.
Heart broken and totally devastated.
Because Jayne was my one true love.
To all you bereaved members.
Read threads as many as you can. You will see vast differences in the way
we as individuals deal with the loss of our lost love.
And quite frankly everyone as to do whats best for them.
And dont assume theres a time limit as there isnt.
To some a few months and they are looking for another partner
thats their choice. Others like me will never look , Nevermind seek another
partner again , Thats my choice as an individual.
You members who feel the need to force the your partner would of wanted you do
this that or the other, Please keep it to yourself, As if thats what you believe your
partner told you, Or they actually told you that, So be it.
But dont assume its the only way to be.
We, as ive said are all individuals and can do whats best for ourselves.
Anyone whose taken offence please count to 100 calm down
and post something on another thread as im not looking for a debate
im telling you as it is. For me
And i accept every body elses own choices as frankly its
none of my business what others do.
And im not in a position to agree or disagree
i just accept other peoples chosen path.
From a man whose simply drifting along
with the memories of happy times shared with the love of his life
lucily ive found a few friends who i email
and tell them about my not so exciting days activities .
Not that i do much.
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Ooh Wow Jianye I totally get where you are coming from very well said straight to the point that is what I like thanks for that post you have made me feel actually 100 times better and good for you 
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@Jianye , hi , I so understand about not wanting to celebrate birthday .
It was my 60 th 11 months after my husband died , I told my kids and family I wasn’t doing birthdays anymore , my kids where great and respected my decision . BUT , my sister’s totally went against it , they rocked up on my birthday with balloons and banners with pictures of me when I was a kid , cake and food the whole kit and kaboodle . All I could do was sit there uncomfortable in my own house , I did keep going out the back and crying , it took them three hours to realise I wasn’t joining in then they left in a hurry !!! They had never done anything like that before for my birthday , so why did they think it was a good idea to do it when my husband was dead . I still can’t understand what the hell they where thinking of , plus it had been our brother’s funeral just a couple of days before ,
They went home to their happy lives with their partners , I was left sitting upset without my husband in our lonely house 
.
That was nearly two years ago , and I think me being ( selfish ) upset them , we aren’t very close now .
Now a birthday just means being another year closer to being with my husband .
My husband’s 60th birthday was 3 months after he died , and all I did that day was cry , now on his birthday I am just thankfully that he had been born that day , and he had chose me to be the one to love and spend his life with . X take carex
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Strange my birthday is the 19th of June too and I feel exactly the same.I was 70 last year 3 days before the funeral I can’t even remember the day I just ignored it.I don’t have any immediate family and the close friends I have we’re very thoughtful and said they couldn’t wish me a happy birthday but they hoped I was okay.This year I still ignored it and again my wishes were respected I got cards but with lovely messages about it not been the same and so on.As for Christmas I spent the day alone again my wish some of my relatives invited me to spend the day with them but it’s never going to happen,it was a horrible day after spending two thirds of my life with him at Christmas I can’t ever imagine even trying to enjoy it .It’s all so sad.
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