Watched something the other night on the box. It’s quite irrelevant what it was. But it showed someone who had suffered a trauma and it had changed them as a person. He asked his wife. Have I really changed that much and she answered, yes!!! You are not the person you used to be. She went on to say that it was like having to get to know a new person from scratch and basically learn to fall in love with them again.
This prompted a conversation between me and my wife. She wasn’t my son’s biological mother. So I felt the trauma much more when my son died. I’ve known all along that I have changed as a person. I think differently than I ever did. It’s coming up to 8 years since he died. The main thing I’ve noticed since that is. If I find myself in a particular situation of any kind. My rational brain tells me I will react in a certain familiar way. But then my irrational brain makes me behave the complete opposite. It’s like I don’t have control over it. I don’t do anything crazy. I just have a different thought process than how I perceive I should of thought. Another thing I’ve noticed is I don’t get affected by the people around me with their small life drama’s. Where at one time I would have worried or offered advice. Now I just don’t care. It’s not that I’m wallowing in self pity or anything, I’ve long since moved on from that frame of mind. Everyone has something going on in their lives . In my extended family. There’s always an argument or a " she said, he said" drama going on. It just washes over me. It may sound a little harsh but I couldn’t care less.
It goes beyond that though. I’ve changed in so many ways. My wife commented that she has seen me grow into a different person and knows that I can never go back to who I was. I’ve said all along that I have a before and after life. I live in the same house, do the same job. But everything else is different. It’s hard to explain really. It’s almost like I’ve had to learn to live with a new mindset. It’s not one I bought or was given. It just happened the day after he died. I’ve also changed all the people in my life. That kind of happened of it’s own accord. My family are still here. But all and I mean all the people on the fringes of my life decided to move in different circles that didn’t involve me. That also brings big changes to your life. So yes. I would say a major trauma definitely changes you. I feel quite detached now from things I held great interest in before he died . Wether it’s people or situations or just my general views on most stuff.
Ok thanks for listening
Thanks again Jim,
I agree, I know I’ve changed, become detached and can be irrational at times!!
Im still me but just adjusting to my new life - me instead of we.
Trivial crap conversations bore me so I’ve become a bit “insular.” Possibly self inflicted isolation but this ties in with my “great expectations” from family & friends or neighbours. Im not interested in their little lives anymore and clearly mine doesn’t register with them.
It’s a hard knock life and a large learning curve.
Yes you are right. It’s hard to think about other people’s menial problems. I don’t think we do it with malice I think it’s just a natural progression. I know exactly what you mean by becoming insular . I think when we loose someone we inadvertently close down to a certain degree. Having said that when I find out people have had a similar loss to mine I feel a certain pull towards them. Even if I don’t speak to them or indeed know them. You just have a sort of compassion for them as you know what they are going through. But social media being what it is and of course the grapevine. You get to hear and see a lot. But I find myself thinking " so what". Thanks for your reply.
Compassion from others - not much to ask for is it?