Debs died in August last year and the time since has been so heart wrenching. It’s growing more difficult with the gorgeous spring weather and lighter evenings. Spring and summer were her favourite times of year. I can’t tell you how awful I feel that she is missing this year. She loved the garden and the seaside and countryside rambles. I find myself longing for October, which seems a dreadful thing to do.
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Dear Aubrey
I lost my mum in August last year. She too loved the seasons and knew when each and every flower was due to bloom. She loved her garden.
When she was in bed she could see her beautiful peach roses. She wanted to be alive when they blossomed.
She was there when the first flowers opened to the warmth of the sun, she was so happy to see them. I lost her soon after.
My heart was shattered.
In the flowers on top of her coffin I cut some of her peach roses and placed them there.
This year the buds have arrived and each time I look at them I cry, to be able to see her smile to see them and the beautiful garden she tended and grew.
This year the roses will be on her grave for her.
Life can be so cruel.
Take care and remember the good times. The flowers do come to remind us of the happy memories, in time.
Sending you a hug.
Phoebe.
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I know exactly how you feel, my lovely fit and healthy husband passed quite suddenly in February after a routine operation, he hated winter and was so looking forward to the spring/summer, and this year we have had so many warm sunny days, just makes me feel so sad and guilty that we are experiencing it and he can’t 
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I sympathise. The feeling of guilt is part of it for me. When Debs was diagnosed with cancer, we were preparing for her retirement and were moving to the seaside where she most wanted to be. Her retirement was lost to her, and this lovely weather just adds to the feeling of sorrow and guilt. Here I am, and she’s gone. I think the first year is probably the worst for this type of feeling. I have been looking through our photo albums at previous spring and summers when she was so happy and they are some comfort. I wish you comfort and strength and thank you for sharing how things are with you.
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