I am dreading tomorrow thu 30th May as I will be visiting the chapel to deliver the clothes for him to placed into. I am nervous , petrified… and scared as well. I know I will fall apart. My brother will be going with me… to support me.
I know when I see him I will fall apart but I know that I have to for me to be able to start the process of acceptance that he has really gone. He passed away on the 13th May…
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Lucy…
…yes it is hard, I was visiting my partner Richard only 2nd May, his funeral-cremation service was the 7th May…I was taken by the lovely and caring funeral director who was with me every step of the way, ie, even registering Richards death a few days before…Yes this was something I felt the need to do but, as I walked in and saw him, I knew this was not him just a shell of his body, he was not inside it…
My Richard suddenly left me, left this world only a few weeks previously, 11th April, for you it has been 2 weeks plus…I remember as I was getting closer on aproaching Richard, I was shocked as I felt this doesn’t look like Richard, what have they done to you…I had that spiritual feeling that he was out of his body and standing near to me, just couldn’t sense him near…just knew his body was just a shell and he was out of it, Gave his forehead a couple of kisses, said to him what I wanted to say, nothing new really as I had been saying it all before so only repeating myself, just wanted to make sure he was hearing me, and watching over me this time…
Lucy, dont dread it, just remember this will be the closest you will get to your hubby to say your final goodbye, cherish and remember this moment…
If and when you need that extra comfort, grab hold of your brothers hand, he will be dealing with his own sadness and emotions and may not want to show it in-front of you…
Jackie…
Lucy my thoughts will be with you tomorrow. If you want to show your grief then do so, don’t hold back.
I must admit I didn’t see Brian again after he was taken from our home. I kept him with me for a day and felt that when he was taken that was how I wanted it to stay. I had no one to go with me anyway. When he was at home that last day I felt he was at peace and not really in his body. It’s a strange feeling but does give some comfort, probably at a later date than at the time as your grief is so intense.
I remember going with my husband to see his mother in the chapel of rest. He hardly recognised her and wished that he had never gone, it upset him more. I have never been to see any of my family after they have passed. I just keep them locked in my heart and remember them as they was. At Brian’s funeral I again felt no contact with him and knew that he wasn’t there only the shell of his body. Perhaps he was watching and I hope he liked what I did for him.4
God bless
Pat xxx
I didn’t want to see my David in the Chapel of Rest, I said my goodbyes at the hospital, when he took his last breath he turned and looked at me, and I knew that I was loved, heartbreaking. It’s imprinted in my mind that last look. I was asked to step outside by the sister while they ‘attended to him’ when I went back it wasn’t my beloved David they had placed him on his back, looking upwards, also they’d dressed the room, like others have said it was just a shell, I wish they’d left him on his side. The Chapel of Rest where we requested he be took, were extremely caring, asking how he wanted his hair,( he had a ponytail) they also asked us how he would like to be shaven he had a moustache and a goatee beard. Always took pride in his appearance. Nothing was too much trouble. Phoned us when he arrived from the hospital to their care, Phoned us again the date of cremation and when his ashes were to be collected or delivered it was our choice. Phoned us to say everything had gone smoothly and when we were ready we can go and choose an urn or casket. Very caring so emotional but I knew he was being looked after. I have his ashes in my care now,
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Hi Lucy, my lovely husband died 6 months ago today and like you I was really nervous about seeing him in the chapel of rest. Yes I did fall apart when I initially saw him but then I wanted to spend a lot of time with him up to the time of his funeral. I made a playlist of songs which were special to us and sat and held his hand and talked to him. I went most days and it all just felt so natural and I hated the thought of him being there on his own. Of course I realised it was only his body and my George had actually gone, but it was still him, the man I will love forever. I hope you find it comforting, I know after the initial shock I did. Take care xx
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Thank you Debra. I don’t feel so alone.
I realised that I want to go there every day to see him before the casket is closed. As I know that’s so final.
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Thank you Jackie … …
Please don’t think of it as final, I don’t. Brian is with me every second. His body might have gone but his spirit is with me.
I too will never forget that final look. I don;t think he even meant it for me but he was so confused and there was nothing I could do. Broke my heart and I will never forget. I keep looking at his photographs I have around the house so that I can try and remember him strong and fit with his lovely handsome face smiling at me. That is what I want to remember.
Pat xxx
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Thank you Pat…
I was not able to view him . I could only deliver the clothes. I can only view next week Thursday 6th June. In my head it is a shell
But I need closure of some sort… He was overseas at his time of passing. so in my head I am in slight denial. As I think I am too calm at this stage…
Lucy my heart goes out to you. Of course you need closure and you must do what you think is best for you and have no regrets. I was with Brian as he passed. We was alone and I was able to talk to him and cry. I put his arm around me and was able to keep him with me for some hours. I couldn’t and wouldn’t say goodbye, we had promised each other that we would still be together some how. It must be so unreal to you if he was overseas and I do so hope you cope. God bless Pat
Thank you for that. I do appreciate this one doesn’t feel alone. When you ask questions or put how you are feeling out there. You know that not crazy with your thoughts and there are others in the same position as you but at different stages of their journey.