For those who have been following my journey, you will know that very soon after Penny died 13 months ago I wrote a plan as to how my life needed to be to get me through the grieving journey. This has been extremely successful, and I’m now onlyleft with sadness, sometimes big but often small. I can now think of her without bursting into tears and an aching heart. So this chapter has virtually finished.
It occurs to me that the rest of my life will be a new chapter, and I need a new plan. This isnt easy, because I dont know in detail how the chapter ends. I’m 75, so I have a good idea, but when, where and how it ends will be forever a mystery.
Im still developing it, some parts of chapter one plan will stay some bits will go as they are now irrelevant.
Some new ideas are being considered, such as not getting involved in solving other peoples’ problems, less reliance on smartphones and computers, read more, drink more ouzo!, be more like Pooh (not Eeyore!) etc etc.
The only thing I know is that when my life changes more than I can imagine, I need a plan (ie a map) to keep myself going in the direction I want it to. If we never know where we want to go, we stay where we are (or go backwards).
I keep notes of my plan, and I add and remove bits when Ive decided.
Thanks @Alex. I am always concerned when I read posts from people who are stuck in misery, are desperate, and don’t see a way out of it. So I really hope my positive message helps them to battle on to relative comfort and happiness.
Good for you @tykey . A man with a plan. It’s six years this month since I lost my husband and the sadness never goes. However, I always try to have something to look forward to, whether it be a holiday, an outing, a meal with friends/family or just a walk - I think we need that in our lives. I also try to focus on the positives and not the negatives, not always easy mind. As for my husband, he is always in my heart. He may have died but he’s not dead.
Hello Kate and Tykey
How nice to hear from you. How I agree with you both. Forge ahead has always been my motto or at least let life take me where it chooses. I have given up some things but taken up others. I know when I am ready. Yes everyday I make sure I am doing something so that I am not wasting my life in misery. I am not really miserable now. I can laugh and enjoy the things I do. I have my interests, hobbies, friends and some supportive family, although sad that others have fell by the wayside. But you can’t win them all.
Oh how i agree that they remain in our hearts always and that keeps me going because i know he’s by my side.
KATE. You always said you carry your husband on your shoulder and I like that and do the same.
I also feel so sorry for those that come on the forum and say that their life is over. WE know it isn’t but it is a hard, tough road we have to travel.
Thanks to both of you for hopefuly lifting people.
Pat
xx
My husband died during the 2020 Covid wave and my mum during the 2021 Covid wave. As we could not do so much, I didn’t have the ability to move on but now I can, I am clean out of ideas. Everywhere feels empty without him.
Good for you @Crystal22 . One way is to write a description of how you would like to see yourself in the future. Then each change you make in your life should move yourself towards that. Its important to write it down and keep it.
My description of my future self is actually quite accurate of what it is now.
Things such as:
More frugal
Debt free
Staying in the same house
Willing to chat to strangers (aided by my dogs)
Change the garden to be more labour free
Have platonic female friends
Be like a hybrid of Foggy Dewhurst and Winnie the Pooh.
I’m sure your words will bring comfort to others.
It’s six years this month since I lost my husband and the sadness never goes. However, I always try to have something to look forward to, whether it be a holiday, an outing, a meal with friends/family or just a walk - I think we need that in our lives. I also try to focus on the positives and not the negatives, not always easy mind. As for my husband, he is always in my heart. He may have died but he’s not dead. 
