Child support after bereavement

My daughter in law died last january and i am looking after my 4yr old grandson. He has started asking questions about his mum most i can answer but some im struggling with. He is getting very frustrated with the fact that he cant see his mum again

Hi Chris, it’s very difficult with little children and I can understand him getting frustrated and also angry which will not help your relationship with him. Can I suggest you contact the children’s bereavement centre and ask for help.

There are a number of books that deal just with young people and I know Cruse help children but perhaps one dealing just with children may be more useful. The only thing I would say from a personal perspective is always tell the truth and never hide what has happened, it must be very hard for you and my thoughts and prayers go out to you. What you are doing is fantastic and asking for help shows what a great job you are doing. Take care.

Thank you for your lovely supportive reply. I have tried most support groups apart from mind but at this time they are not taking referals. Alfie also has a sister from his mums previous marriage and she chose to go to her mums mum her nan to live which is lovely and I fully understand but I looked after them both after their mum died and miss her being with us
Im going to contact mind and see how we go forward my sin is ip and down but has received counselling
Thank you again x

Chris, I do hope you don’t mind me contacting you again because your reply touched a nerve. First, your grandson, do keep trying the organisations that you that you think are the best because things are getting better as people go back to work, the problem will not go away quickly. The other thing is your granddaughter, this is what made me want to reply. Please do everything possible to keep her around you because splitting up a family is not good for any of the people concerned. My mother and her sister were split up and the emotional effect stayed with my mother all her life. Ok totally different circumstances but the result could be the same. Keep as close to her as you can but don’t dwell on the fact she wanted to move away, it could just be she found having a younger child around was not for her at present or lots of other reasons that seemed right to her at the time. You are doing such a fantastic thing and your daughter would love you even more for what you are doing and you should be so pleased with how you are dealing with all the problems that arise. I do hope you get lots of help from other sources both physically and monitory. Bless you for what you are doing. xx

Morning susie
Yep we do all meet up and Alfie my grandson sees them on a regular basis and now my son and Alfie are settled I have invited alfies sister to visit or stop over.
I am lucky to have 3 strong and supportive daughters as well as my son but sometimes it kust helps talking to someone on the outside.
Thank you once again take care Chris

Chris, I contacted a friend who does child support for Cruse and this was his reply -:

We are supporting carers/parents over the phone, advising them about the books & packs they might use, as we can’t work directly with younger children over the phone, so if grandma rings Skipton she could set up working in that way with a Bereavement Volunteer.
If she’d like to start herself, good resources would be ‘Muddles, Puddles & Sunshine’, an activity workbook with lots of craft things to do, eg a Feelings Volcano (great fun!).Can get it through Amazon.
Child Bereavement UK publish ‘A Child’s Grief’ for grandma to read herself (Amazon
Hope this is useful. Take care xx

Hi susie
Thank you so much for your thoughs and actions. I will contact the number for cruise and I have also been in touch with alfies health visitor who was lovely.
Im already feeling much more relaxed as I had his school report which confirmed there are no problems . Thank you once again for everything and you take care xx

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