My husband died two years ago, I was devastated and still find it hard to cope without him, but several years ago I asked him if he would build a pergola over the kitchen window, he said no, 3 months later my daughter rushed off and got wood, he asked what she was doing, building a pergola, so he went and fetched his tools and made it for her, I was furious, but they found it funny, when he died, my daughter and her new ish partner took it down and got a odd job man to put it over the kitchen window, itās not designed to have a roof on, so the only time I can use it is when itās dry, I want a roof over it, so a builder called and looked and said it would need some changes to support any roof, my daughter and partner said ā mmm 
too expensive ā so for 18 months Iāve been trying to get some kind of cover over it, my daughters partner had never used a drill or screwdriver, so he couldnāt helpā¦ā¦ I finally ended up putting a piece of tarp over it thatās got more holes than the titanic!! So again I called a builder out who said ā you can get plastic sheeting down the road!ā but I would need some more wood, by this time the pergola was painted grey, which my daughter didnāt think would look nice, this builder came to my house on the 26th of this month, my daughters partner said get some more tarp because I donāt know how to put a roof on, but by that evening, my daughter and her partner, had put up a wooden pergola and had wood for a roof, Friday morning he asked me for the screws to fix the roof on!!! Iām furious, Iām angry at my late husband, at my daughter and her partner, in fact I want to get my late husbandās axe and chop the whole thing down, I feel betrayed, lied to, cheated and feel as though theyāre laughing at me!! I even gave them Ā£100 because he said he could get flat plastic and he could put it across the pergola instead of down, the ā plasticā was sent out 30 miles away from me, so because heād helped so much with this pergola, I said when the money gets refunded, they could keep it and use it, now I know what they used it for! My daughter says Iām being childish!
Hi Mahi, first, please take a deep breath, relax. You are obviously very upset still, not surprisingly. I was a little confused with what you wrote. Does your daughter live with you? If I may say she doesnāt sound very understanding. Maybe if you are in a position to, look for a local builder and start again, have your pagoda outside your kitchen, do it how you want with a roof. You can buy all sorts of plastic sheeting in different styles. Have a browse on the Internet. It sounds like you need to do something for yourself not how your daughter and partner want or think. Sorry if I have misunderstood your post. Hope you find a compromise soon and are able to feel better about it all
Thank you, Iām trying very hard not to lose the plot at the moment, no my daughter doesnāt live with me, but she lives opposite me, so no secrets there, Iāve had a few builders come and look at it and been given advice, to which my daughter and her partner say ā mmm? do you really want to spend money like that? We could do something ā then when one idea doesnāt work out and we try another idea and that doesnāt work, it becomes frustrating, but now her partner has built one for themselves and then smugly said āwe have a proper roof on oursā! Then I am angry and annoyed with her and them, but itās all my fault because I keep changing my mind about what roof to put on it.
Have a browse on the Internet, have a look at pergolas and lean too, many different types sizes, roofs. See if you can find one you like or get an idea of what exactly you are looking for and go from there. You really donāt need extra grief and hassle at these times
Iāve done that, researched every possible type of roof that could make a difference and one thatās easy enough for us to do, but every idea gets rejected and then the subject is ignored, because they are busy doing their own house, my late husband was a builder so he knew what he was doing, especially when it came to woodworking, so I found a few builders to look at it and some of them had known Martin well, but when I told my daughter, that Iād had a builder around, her partner, started saying that I shouldnāt have done that without talking to them first! This is from a man who canāt tell whether the drill is going forwards or backwards? They are both bossy and manipulative and they back each other up, Iām left feeling like some crazy woman and feeling as though theyāre laughing at me behind my back, my husband didnāt like him, but I wasnāt sure whether I liked him or not, at times he was pleasant and when Martin died suddenly, he was so helpful, but now I think because I was in shock for ages, heās gone way above his station and heās had his own way for far too long, obviously now I feel a wee bit better and know that Iāve got to do things by myself, that I never had to before because Martin did all the things around the house, so Iām a newbie and learning as I go along and making mistakes, but Iām improving and getting things done slowly, things that my husband and me had discussed doing, like putting new windows and doors in, but I loved gardening, Martin cut the lawns because he said I didnāt do the lines straight, which was our little laugh, but planning out the garden and buying plants, thatās what I did and Martin was happy with that, but now I feel that Iāve lost all control over everything. Jackie xx
Well, without sounding harsh, itās time to do what you want. Iām sure your husband would want you too from what you say. Take some control, itās your life, not your daughters or her partners. You do what helps and makes you happy, please. I have all this to come, my husbands 2 sons are my step sons and before Keith had even passed away and was in intensive care they said they were not happy with the fact Keith had not made a Will and therefore his estate would be shared out different to what they want. So I know that when probate is sorted they will want things done their way and our home will be sold and I have no where to live, but I know what Keith wished when this time came as we talked about it, so I will do all I can to make his wishes happen, even if it means going against his sons. I am looking after me now, as Keith would want, as his wife. Sometimes in life we just got to do what is necessary for us, not others
Oh Iām sorry that youāre having to deal with this now, we were both married before to other partners and have children, his stayed with their mother, mine came as a package so to speak, but my youngest was only 2 , so Martin is all heās known as a father, but Martin had a younger son and he wanted some money when his father died, he didnāt get any, nobody did, Martin died without life insurance or a will, so I struggled with bills, but my two sons moved back home to help me with bills and being company, but my daughter and her partner will even argue with my sons that they know what is best for me! I will always be grateful to them but that doesnāt mean that Iām soft either. X