My children’s father was found deceased in his property having not been discovered for 7 weeks. No judgement please, we lived separately and we as a family are beyond devastated at his death. His flat has been completely overturned and I mean smashed to pieces and police had been investigating but because of the length of time he was there for, before he was found, it was impossible for a cause of death to be determined.
We were no longer together romantically anymore, however, after knowing eachother for 17 years and having 2 children together who we adore/d, we remained good friends and we both had a lot of love and respect for eachother. He was my best friend and I was his. He saved my life when we met and I saved his! We had both given up on life but met eachother and had our children and life was amazing for us for the first time in a long time. We had many many amazing years together and I have him to thank for everything! I still loved and cared about him so much and helped him whenever I could. He always had my back and he was a rock to me. He was the only person I could talk to about anything and he would always advice and help me. He’d never judge. So as you might imagine I’m pretty cut up.
It was been just over 6 months since he was found passed away and what is bothering me is feeling like a few people who I thought would be really there for me (my sister and a friend of mine) seem to be uninterested and bored now. I have been getting the sense for a number of weeks now based on being ignored and the blunt replies I’ve received in response to anything said about my children’s dad. Now, I could kind of understand if I was bombarding them but I haven’t! It was only had his inquest yesterday, which was an open verdict and pretty horrendous and I have been completely ignored. I sent them a copy of the article the paper printed online and the tribute and I was completely blanked. They were both online on Facebook hours later posting things, so it’s not like they were really busy at that moment. Both are stay at home parents and spend a lot of time online on Facebook so I know I’m not being needy. I spent all my time crying on my own and don’t tell anyone how I feel because I don’t like to burdan anyone so it’s not as if they can’t handle my emotions. It really hurts because the way I look at it is we are still in the midst of it all.
I only went to his flat (where he was found) last week to collect the few items that were able to be saved from housing officials- which was another really difficult thing to do. I sent a photo of the sentimental things they could save and said I was really pleased they were able to find his favourite bag etc and I was blue ticked (my message was read and ignored) by my sister and had a very short blunt reply from my friend of 17 years who knew him and knew how special he was to me and our children. There was no beef between any of them!
I feel completely let down and alone. I have been nothing but an amazing support to both of them throughout their lives and if it was the other way round I’d have been there for them, especially given the circumstances and the fact that they were clearly still going through it all. I only got home from his inquest last night.
How do I deal with family and friends like this I don’t feel like approaching about how I feel. Imo it’s pretty clear that treating me like this would obviously cause me upset. They both are intelligent and know what they’re doing.
Hello @Hazeydazey85 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your children’s dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Thank you Alex it means a lot l.
Hello @Hazeydazey85,
I’m so sorry for your loss, and all the trauma that you have been through.
I have found this is a good platform to share your feelings with so I hope it helps you.
I have a friend, we’ve been friends for 37 years and she hasn’t supported me like I thought she would since losing my mum 12 weeks ago, and it does feel like she has let me down as I think I’ve heard from her once since the funeral.
Unless people have been through a great loss then I don’t think they understand the true extent of how we are feeling. Take care
Xxc