Hi all Its been nearly a year since lost my son to suicide.I feel even worse with grief and scared. I have a big family and it’s as if they would rather not phone or speak or ask how I am.I know it’s been a shock and painfull for us all but on top of that I have friends saying you should be ok by now:((I have been so distraught I am now seeing a psychiatrist who has helped me a good bit he has given me a group I can go to in arbroath in angus near me I look forward too it as I think it may help.I feel so alone I try to do what I can in the home but find I have spent most of the time in my bedroom.My house is spotless but about myself takes all my time shower or try put my make up on.I do feel lonely my husband has been terrific but it’s my other kids and folk who think I should be over it.its a year next month he took his life and 4 weeks ago I received his fone and ipad from the coroner found beside him with a diary it felt dreadful.Its very difficult when I told family nothing back.everyone has abandoned me.
I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible time for you and however much people want to help They just don’t understand what grief does to you.
My 2nd year is worse than the 1st compounded by the fact that everyone thinks you should have moved on by now. They have no idea how I feel.
Di you know about SOBS? SURVIVORS OF BEREAVEMENT BY SUICIDE? They may be able to help you more than I can. Wishing you well at this sad time. Sadmd
I’m so sorry to read about your loss. I don’t think most people have a clue how to help people who are grieving these days. A year is absolutely no time at all and there is no time limit. I read somewhere that 18 months is minimum you should expect before you start to move on with things. And even then it’s a gradual thing. Every loss is different and I’m guessing your family feel uncomfortable discussing it because they want to be positive but actually you just need to feel that sadness and that is ok. All you described sounds really normal to me - self care is important but I can understand why it becomes a low priority. Try to allow yourself time and space to grieve without putting high expectations. Maybe try to get out and see others once or twice a week or more if you can. This will combat the natural loneliness which grief makes you feel. I think baby steps is always the best thing - keep expectations low and go for little accomplishments. If you don’t feel like speaking to anyone, just plan a long walk every day. Exercise is so beneficial. You can always incorporate it into getting a daily shop, and focus more on the daily things that need doing, like cooking. I bought a great book called Overcoming Grief - it doesn’t take the pain away but helps you to realise that what you are going through is a process that everyone goes through who loses a loved one. I’m also having some counselling and it has really helped me. Take care. X
Thankyou that means a lot too hear from someone.I have not heard of Sobs thankyou for the information I will look into it.Ive never felt so alone in my life as I am now.Family friends i hardly hear from now and we have always been a very close family.Everyone thinks I should be back to the bubbly person I was I just wish they wouldn’t abandon me when I really need them.Im trying to get my humour back but I think friends and family should interact with me not ignore me.everyone has gone so quiet.
One of the things my counsellor said to me is
" normal has gone " he was right. My family expect me to be back to normal and I can’t.
Unless this has happened to them they have no idea how you feel and don’t know what to say to you.
Even then everyone is different a neighbour who lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly as I did behaves completely differently to me. She fills her days with everything and anything . Something I cannot do. Do what helps you. Best wishes Sadme
Spot on that’s exactly how I am.Im buddhist i spent happy years in a Buddhist monastery i left after my health became to difficult to control living in the middle of nowhere.but i go down often to see my close friends and go to teachings ect now that is my real home and i cant even go down to visit which i know would help but it’s like I’m in a fog.Even all the Buddhist teachings in the world cant heal me just now.I’m trying so hard.I call it living in the fog.yes I have seen the same with my friend she just got on with life and I admire her for coping so why cant I.its a year next month since my son took his life it feels like yesterday.It feels so raw and made worse when folk avoid you it’s not like I’m sitting talking about my loss all the time.being negative.Im needing family friends to communicate not push me away yes they are hurting we all are but I’d imagine I would heal a little each day with some support.Very tough very lonely