Christmas again

This is the 2nd year without my Laura and to top it all l have the flu. I will join in as last year and light a candle on xmas eve. It is lovely to be joining you all in spirit.

I am planning to have a holiday next year, the first for years as we all deserve to have some fun in our lives. Making memories for the future with our loved ones.

My spiritual journey is continuing and others are drawn to me who have lost a loved one. I love that l can give hope and love to others.

I send love and light to you all. Jackie.x


Hi @peanutbrain,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the community :blue_heart: I’m sure your words and thoughts will bring comfort to others.

Take good care,

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It’s my second Christmas without my daughter Laura. She passed away in August 2021. I have decided to work to avoid going through the motions like I did last year. It hurts just as much. :butterfly:

Hi peanut. I hope you are well. This is my first Xmas without Leah it crucified me and new yr was even worse I buried my first daughter Katie on new yrs eve 36 yrs ago but I remember it as if it was yesterday but I keep plodding on the best I can my thoughts are with you xx

Hello Shellyanne,
Sending you much love and healing.
We all suffer at this time of year. I tried to focus on happy years in the past but failed miserably.
Sad about Lisa Marie presley who has died, she too lost her son 2 years ago from suicide.
You are undoubtedly a strong lady as l am and we will carry on remembering our beautiful daughters with gratitude and love.

Hi luv yes I think we have to be strong even though sometimes I think I’m not my Leah loved Xmas with her little boy Theo I’ve still got the video of her last Christmas with him even though she was in so much pain she made it so special for him then they told her mid Jan she had stage for liver cancer on the 23jan it was Theo s 3 rd birthday on the 26 th Jan she passed away it’s just so heartbreaking il never get over this but try to learn to live with it but like you failing miserably my dad is in hospital 2 weeks before Xmas he’s had a stroke he’s still in I’m going to see him Sunday. Plus my close friend has bladder cancer bless her and she’s got skin cancer on the end of her nose so sending everyone big hugs for the new yr and keep being strong. XX :heart::heart:

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Dear Shellyanne,
You certainly are going through a very challenging time in your life. Like me you must wonder what you have done to experience so much loss and pain.
I have alright days and bad days. My son does not talk to me as he said that l put all my time into my daughter and neglected him. She had schizophrenia and l fought to try to save her.
I have no grandchildren and will probably never have any.
All l wanted from life was to be a mother and have a happy family.
I am trying to focus on others and not focus on my pain.
Enjoy your grandson. I bet he loves his gran.
Stay strong.x

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Hi peanut I do try and stay strong but my god it’s so hard I haven’t seen Theo for a while I sent his Xmas money to him but the sad thing Is his dad has already moved which all the family was totally shocked and upset it’s Theo’s birthday on the 23rd Jan he will be 4 and on the 26 Jan it’s Leah’s 1st yr anniversary which is playing hard on my mind I do hope you feel a bit better soon and stay as strong as you can shellyanne XX :heart:

Hello ShellyAnne,
The raw pain of grief does ease slightly with time. I am now into my second year without Laura. Leah would l’m sure want you to not be in constant pain and having no quality of life.
I’m sad that your Theo is not local to you. Perhaps his dad is not coping with his grief and has moved to try to cope.
A beavement has an ability to pull people apart as each person is an individual with different coping mechanisms.
My son said recently that he wanted to have a relationship with me and when l try to contact him, ignores my messages. But l realise he is finding it hard to cope and we both need to find a way forward.

Take care of yourself both mentally and physically.

All my love and best wishes.

Hi Jackie thank you for getting back to me. From what I have been told things supposedly wasn’t good between them a while before she was diagnosed but I’ve only have his word for that I know she would have told us if it hadn’t have been but there’s not much I can do about it I know life goes on but it’s just thinking that he might have been up to no good before she passed because he said he was going to visit her in an evening to take my daughter and her dad off but didn’t show up it’s heartbreaking her in pain like that when all she wanted was her boy and partner I feel I’m going mad thinking about it. I just hope things start getting easier soon. Shellyanne XX :heart:

Hi Shellyanne,
Unfortunately you may never know the truth. Please try to stop thinking what state their relationship was in. Nobody can change the past.
Both Laura and Leah are at peace and feel no earthly pain. Because we would as mothers given our lives up for our much loved daughters but could not, we are burdened with what ifs and if we could have done anything differently to support them.

Laura was in a series of abusive relationships which broke my heart. I tried so hard to save her but could not.

When that thought comes in your mind. Imagine a vacuum cleaner go into your head and vacuumed it up. That works for me strangely.

In the future try to find support. What works for you. I have been to a medium, volunteering for charities, had support from the Catholic church as Laura was a catholic.

Although they helped for a while, l have found a strange love in nature, with all the creatures in my garden and helping neighbours who are struggling financially, in particular a neighbour with 2 boys with autism by sharing reduced food with them and love and support.

I pray that you can stay in touch with Theo.

Lots of love

Hi Jackie thank you for understanding me. I’m sending his birthday card today when I go up to work I know he can’t stay single forever and that he may be finding comfort in his new girlfriend I have to except that. I know she’s at peace and in no more pain it’s so hard but we have try and come to terms with it all. Failing miserably. Take care. Luv. Shellyanne xx