I said I would set up a thread for those of us alone on Christmas Day.
This is my first after Norman died in June. So far I haven’t cried but know I will at some point. I do everyday.
We didn’t make a big fuss at Christmas. Normally fillet steak for dinner although one year we had pizza. Didn’t buy gifts as we had everything we needed. In fact normally glad when. It was over.
Will be even more glad this year. The unrelenting jollity just makes the loss harder.
All have the best day you can and post when you need to
Xx.
Sandra
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Morning pudding,
Im sat in bed drinking tea at my daughter & son in laws today.
There both in the 20s and they decided a couple of years ago to celebrate the xmas season differently calling it the winter feast season they dont do traditional presents or cards its all about games ,nature and cooking wholesome delicious food ,its there tradition and i applaud them ,ive just recently moved from shropshire to cumbria literally last week so everything is new and im being carried along in a hazy new world ,seems to me any way at the moment.
Too everyone this morning thinking of you and hoping you get through today as best you can .
I.lit stuart’s candle last night & placed it nest to his ashes which are on the window sill over looking fields, i hugged it this morning wished him merry christmas as he loved it ,our first xmas apart this year ,still unbelievable .
Hugs to you and all x
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I certainly will, thank you Pudding. Im on my own, by choice. Not entirely alone because Im with my two wonderful little dogs, Rosie and Crumpet. Theyve just been tucking into their Xmas stockings full of treats.
I had a teary spell last evening, but Im feeling positive this morning.
I intend to go out around lunchtime to the Peak District, about 30 minutes away to explore Padley Gorge, with a stream tumbling over the boulders. I’ll just sit on a rock and reflect on the good things in my life, past, present, and future.
Then home for some Xmas pudding and custard.
Good luck to you, I hope your day is as good as it can possibly be!
Strange things happen to balance up the excessive pressure to be jolly. Yesterday, a neighbour, who I knew to be a kind soul, but with whom I wasnt close, came over and said she understood I was going for a walk, but didnt want me to feel uncared for. She brought me some Xmas cake and mince pies to take with me!! Ill admit my eyes got a bit moist to realise how the xmas spirit is very simple, and not commercialised.
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A peaceful day Sandra and to everyone.
My first Christmas without my wonderful husband and it feels unreal. Also, my first Christmas Day when I am alone, which is my choice as I do not wish to put on an act of being merry and festive. Being alone, we can do as we like, and cry when we like. I have amazing memories of our Christmases spent together and will remember those with my everlasting love for him as I get through the day some how.
Sending hugs.
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Rome 18
I’m on my own too today. I don’t have children, I got covid a couple of days ago, so my original plan to go out walking in the countryside has been scuppered.
I cried so much yesterday my eyes are like hatpegs this morning. Signs are looking promising for a repeat performance again today.
I had a phone call from someone this morning first thing, to say she was ringing me early to check I’m ok, as the rest of the day she will be doing other stuff.
I DON’T WANT to be that person that out of duty everyone feels they must check on. I don’t want to be on a “to do list”, before they get on with the rest of the day.
So I have been proactive, sent messages to close family and friends, telling them I am absolutely fine, but don’t want to spoil their day with my tears, so am switching my phone off for the rest of the day.
I will however keep this forum page open, to communicate with you all, the only ones who understand, and are living the same nightmare.
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@Wifey1. I am so sorry you have Covid on top of everything else, but hope you don’t feel too poorly.
I wanted to be on my own with memories of my darling husband who I lost in January, so I have that anniversary to face soon.
This morning feels unreal to me but we have to get through it.
I hope your day is as good as it can be with the nightmare we are living through.
Sending hugs.
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Rome 18
Isn’t it quiet though. If like us, you and he would mess about together, have a laugh, and I am a constant talker. Now I am silenced.
Sending you a virtual hug.
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@Wifey1. I’m a talker too, my dear husband would not believe I’m going to be on my own today, but it’s what I want. I feel him here with me and I chat to him. I’ve made a few calls, and will be on FaceTime later.
Sending a virtual hug to you x
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Hello fellow sufferers
I’m on my own too today, I could have gone to family for the day but chose not to. I can’t cope with putting a face on it. My way of coping is to be in our home thinking my own thoughts. I have a friend who I also work with who dropped in this morning with some food and a little gift, and I’m afraid the floodgates opened. There I was dishevelled in my dressing gown and hair everywhere and she got the full force of it. I’ll head to the cemetery shortly with a wreath and then I’ll lock the door and try to get through the rest of the day.
I’m thinking of all of you and wishing you peace and comfort somehow. Xx
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I lost my partner - my shining light - on November 9. We had paid for a holiday trip to Rome and at the encouragement of my friends, I decided to go alone. I figured it would either be alone at home or alone on vacation. Today was the first Christmas in 23 years that I woke up without a loving Christmas wish, a loving Christmas snuggle…the first time without any Christmas joy. I do feel all alone and a bit guilty for being here and not him and I have actually contemplated joining him. It is 7 pm and I’ve not talked to anyone today - I’m feeling very much alone and forsaken. I just found this forum today so maybe I’ll find refuge in numbers.
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@Will_i_am
I said goodbye to my hubby of 46 yrs in September & like you contemplated joining him as I couldn’t imagine going on without him. The thoughts return when I’m at my lowest but I have a couple of very dear friends who I call & this community is helping me too. Keep reaching out for support - you’re not alone, unfortunately it’s a journey lots of people have to take. Take a look at some of the other services on offer too.
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Been on my own today also , first Christmas by myself , kept myself busy this morning , walked my dog cooked a dinner , felt ok , but this afternoon felt a bit down to be honest , I suppose it’s what’s to be expected this time of year , I lost my mum 4 weeks ago sadly
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Sorry to hear about your mom. I find that when I’m home, the daytime is “okay-ish” but the evenings are when it really hits home. The quiet gets so loud sometimes but given that today is supposed to be a special day and his favorite holiday at that - it just makes it seem a thousand times worse. I have found that I’m drinking more than usual - something that I don’t want to do but it helps to dull the senses a bit. People always tell me that he’d want me to be happy and would want me to go on (but if he’d wanted me to be happy, he wouldn’t have left me now, would he?).
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Each day that passes isn’t a day further away from the ones we’ve lost , it’s a day nearer we will meet them again , this thought helps me alot
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@Will_i_am 
I am sorry you are feeling as though your loved one had a choice, to leave you behind, I’m sure it wasn’t their intention to deliberately make you unhappy. I hope you find some words to help you navigate the feelings you are experiencing.
Take care
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So, the big day is over, and how did it go? Mine went even better than I hoped for.
I started with Xmas cake for breakfast (Im an addict!). The dogs opened their Xmas stockings, which were full of Xmas treats, surprise, surprise!
Then off to drive into the Peak District, and a meander down Padley Gorge, with the stream tumbling noisily over large boulders. Lots of people, families and dogs out and about working up an appetite. Everybody was friendly and were more than happy to stop and chat or just wish Merry Xmas. A very happy atmosphere. I stopped and sat on a rock and chatted to Penny about our lives together and the memories we made, sometimes with a damp eye, but mainly with a smile.
There is a nice country pub at the top of the gorge, so I called in for a pint. They were serving Xmas lunch, and families were coming in and out. It was slightly chaotic, but fun, with everybodies dogs getting under feet and table legs. Everybody was happy to chat, many had very elderly parents, but it was really nice to see all the caring which was going on amid all the Merry Xmasses being shouted.
Then back home for more Xmas Cake, and a couple of glasses of wine.
Through the day I got phone calls from friends and family to check on me, a couple from people I didnt really think they cared for me that much (really nice!!)
So, all in all, I had a good day. I would have preferred to have had Penny with me, but it was nobodies fault she wasnt. Lots of kindly Xmas spirit to remember.
Now tucked up in my comfy water bed, fighting my dogs for space!
Im pleased I made the effort to get out and make the most of what fate threw at me!
Enjoy the rest of your week!
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Thanks Pudding for setting up the thread.
Yes, I spent the Christmas alone,. I did not want left over thoughts from old friends. Rather, I chose to stay by myself watching NDE videos, sending out good wishes online.
One thing I have learned is that: I rather die than getting bread crumbs from “friends” who feel pity or guilty that they feel obliged. I have changed forever, and so have they.
Not bitter, just ready to tackle what I must alone in the coming year.
May God be with us today and everyday, I pray to God to send all of us, who have lost our beloved spouse human angels to protect us.
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