My husband aged 56 became very ill with his last illness Christmas week 2018 and died the following month. I’ve found Christmas very difficult ever since. We lived together in the Highlands but most of my family are in England so I live alone with our dog. I avoid Christmassy things in the run up to the event but still the wave comes over me and the shallowness of the commercialism and TV adverts makes me angry. My family know to keep things low key with me but earlier today I had a straightforward and well meant Christmas greeting from a friend and I’ve been crying for most of the day ever since. Even if I’m not consciously thinking of what happened 3 years ago and distracting myself with other things the grief will flood over me, the season and the early darkness are a constant reminder. I don’t ever want to stop grieving for him and the majority of the time I coexist with my grief, but just now it’s so hard.
Hello there
Thankyou for sharing your feelings with us and I know that I can relate exactly with what you are saying. There must surely be many more of us.
I also try to avoid Christmassy things and thoroughly dislike the commercialism and adverts. I do however get pleasure in looking at the decorated houses and Christmas tree’s, they brighten my mood. Like you I am three years along this winding road with its ups and downs. We don’t have to consciously think about our loss but it does come back to remind us. Someone once asked me if this grief will ever leave us and I don’t think it will but like you I am managing to exist as that is what we have to do.
Take care of yourself
xxxx
Thank you so much, I agree that grief never leaves us but most of the time we learn to live with it. Now that Christmas is here and almost over I feel lighter, the build up is the worst. You take care too xxxx
This is my first Christmas, the run up was awful but Christmas Day wasn’t as bad as I expected. I’ve had so many kind messages and spent time with my family. Although I have found living alone difficult I have appreciated coming home to my haven after spending time with adorable noisy children.