Christmas cake

I was doing not so bad I thought. I was tidying up the kitchen when I saw the mixing bowl my beloved wife Marian used to mix the Christmas cake ingredients in.
It was like a punch to my tummy and all the feelings just flooded all over me again.
Will this pain ever go, I think not. She really was/is the love of my life, my soul mate.
We just missed our 55th wedding anniversary and I just want to hold her again and tell her how very much I love her as we used to do everyday but that has stopped.

Just had 3 weeks in hospital with yet another major Crohns flare up and come home to an empty bungalow apart from our Siamese cat Dobbie.

Really cannot see ahead at all at this moment, just pain and hurt missing my darling marian.

I have to write this down hoping it eases the pain a little. Surely 20 months it should ease up?

JoMar (john and Marian)


@jomar i think everyone’s journey is different. If you’ve been ill too then that won’t help you to mentally heal.

The picture is a lovely one, you can see the love and affection between the two of you.

Take care


Hello, yes you can feel your getting on with things ok then Wham a trigger that sets you back, I think this will always be the case.

Sometimes however there can be a trigger that provokes a smile.

I hope you start to get your strength back after your recent illness.

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Aw bless you ! What a lovely picture. I hope youre feeling better now xxx

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@jomar what a lovely picture of you both. When you’ve been with someone along time, it makes sense that the pain lasts longer. Your life is essentially wrapped around that person & when they’re gone, they leave a space no one can fill. Warmest wishes to you after your recent illness. X