My plan is to just try and get through the next 2 days. However, the well meaning texts from friends have started. Not sure they’re helping. Sending strength to everyone grieving this Christmas.
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Good plan, @s.b.2025 . No platitudes from me 
There is still joy to be found in Xmas, and new happy memories to be made. This is my 4th Xmas on my own, and I’m really optimistic I’ll enjoy it, doing it my own way.
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Glad you are feeling optimistic and I hope you can find some joy. It is my first Christmas so particularly difficult but I will do my best to make it still a good day for my children.
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Be proud that you are making it a good day for the children, that’s worth a joyful memory. It’s a long journey starting with small steps. 
Then when you have those dark days, you can drag these memories back, and eventually smile. Good luck 
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Sending strength back. I know how very hard the first one without a loved one is. It’s just a few days, that’s how I try to see it. It will be over soon.
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Yes, gritting your teeth sums it up well. Although I shall see my youngest son tomorrow and my other two sons over the next week I am feeling very sad and lonely tonight. In eighty years this is my first Christmas Eve alone and waking up tomorrow morning on my own until lunchtime feels so hard and sad. I know that I am fortunate to be experiencing this for the first time and if it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t wish to ruin every Christmas in the future for my family I would end this awful painful and lonely feeling tonight.
Sorry , I really don’t wish to dampen anyone else’s evening and wish anyone who reads this a peaceful and happy Christmas.
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Dear Beryl
I’m so so it’s feel so bad tonight I know those feelings of just staying alive as an act of love for my children
I’m on such a roller coaster as many of us are
Two things to say I rang the Samaritans for the first time 2 weeks ago and it really helped
They have extra prop at Christmas but it may still take a while before they speak to you
The other thing is she has helped me to put things in a little box that distract me from the pain and make me think of other nice things
one of the things is a note to remind myself that some days I don’t feel like this and the pain more bearable
I have it like my daughter has an inhaler Something I can go to when I need help
I hope you can ring someone in the morning to keep you going before you go out
Xx
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Thank you for responding last evening. It was very kind of you to take the time. I wish you a peaceful Christmas with those who love and care for you .
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I too am getting a procession of well meaning texts - I don’t know what to do with them so have decided not to reply. I’m not going to say everything’s fine because it is so so not fine. I’m sitting here grieving and there’s nothing to be done other than metaphorically put 1 foot in front of another. I lived with my lovely mother who was also my best friend for 58 years and the gap is awful. There is the occasional friend who ‘gets it.’ usually because they too have lost someone they loved in the recent past. One of them advised long walks in green places and it does help a bit. Keeping going for your family is admirable, but somehow we also have to find time to look after ourselves because if we don’t, we’re no use to anyone including ourselves. However, that is so so much easier said than done. I realise that I’ve been crying now for over half an hour and it’s not really getting me anywhere apart from perhaps a release of tension, so in a spirit of being kind to myself I think I’m going to go and have a bath with something that smells lovely. I hope you too can find a small piece of space for yourself to be kind to you whether it’s using a lovely hand cream or a spray of scent or a quiet sit in a chair with a cup of tea or coffee. It’s not going to make the fundamentals better but it may make it a little bit easier to manage how you’re feeling. My love and best wishes to you.
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Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. What you say makes so much sense. I just need to find a way to motivate myself. I wish you a peaceful Christmas and always happy to respond whenever you are having an especially difficult day.
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