Christmas is hard

Losing a parent
1

1000007632
10000076321920×3410 545 KB

This picture is an ornament my younger sister made for mum’s grave. She is very talented.

I find Christmas very hard, I spent every Christmas with mum, only ever missed one. I did mum’s tribute, having written & put the whole funeral service together. I also did the commital of her ashes in with dad. I had hoped to have my remains interred with her and dad but my elder sister refused permission with the petty excuse "“mum and dad had slipped in to dementia, I don’t want them disturbed.” Even the probate man was uncomfortable with passing the message on to us. I will forever regret not accepting the rights to the grave when mum offered it to me. I didnt want to think about dying.

I feel as if I have a mum shaped hole inside me. Dad’s death didnt affect me as much as he had alzheimer’s for years before his death. I now spen Christmas with my younger sister Philippa and her family. We have a strong bond having had to withstand our elder sister’s wrath for almost 2 years since she was made to return money she had taken from mum’s account.

I was the only daughter out of the 3 of us who didnt marry and about to retire next year at 66. I had a very strong bond with mum. I was born with a disability that affected my ability to learn but I have succeeded. I guess I miss being able to ring mum and tell her of the good things, especially an award I got last year for excellence.

2

Hello FifiJ59

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Rhi

3

That ornament is really beautiful Fifij59.
I feel your pain. This is my 1st Christmas without mum. She died 4.5 months ago.
People remind me that this is the circle of life but that doesn’t make me feel any better.

If your sister won’t allow you to be buried with your parents you could ask to be scattered over the grave? Your older sister doesn’t need to know about it.