Christmas is just a label

Waking at 4.30 this morning - I realised that the day I have been dreading for weeks is here and that in reality it feels no different to any other day. It is just a day with a label on and I miss my lovely husband the same today as I did yesterday and every day - it does not hurt more - it hurts the same. Yes there will be poignant moments throughout the day and we are doing it all differently, but equally I get those same moments if I am just out shopping or driving. I loved him with all my heart and still do - but I am not going to be scared of these labels anymore - so I will get through all the other ‘special days’ too. I wish you all a peaceful day - hold your memories close, believe they are with you and feel the warmth of their love and remember it is just another day. xxx


That’s Lovely Trisha. That’s a lovely message and a reminder. My sentiments exactly. I’m alone this Christmas, but apart from not being able to go out for morning coffee I’m doing reasonably well. It does seem like any other day and where I live (in a community) I’m the only one here.
Everyone else has gone off to relatives and friends. I was offered a lot of invitations but I’m not in a jolly mood. I hate having to put on a brave face.
I’m not miserable but, well, you know what I mean. It makes no difference what time of year it is that love will never fade.
Bless you and do your best.


I had a lovely time at my neighbours and stayed for 3 hours.She understood I didn’t have a huge appetite but that didn’t stop her putting 7 veg on my plate!Then it was a brick sized homemade Tiramisu!The cockerpoo made himself comfy on my lap.I could talk about Rob without crying,then a Christmas pressie of jams and a chocolate Santa.What a lovely person she is.

1 Like

That’s lovely that you had a nice time. It broke the day up and gave you company. You also probably gave such much needed company to them too.
I tried not to cry today but was in tears within minutes of arriving at my sisters. Mum has always been with us.
We only stayed a couple of hours then came home where I feel better.
Cheryl x

That’s how I felt.It was lovely spending time with them but I’m used to my own company now and my home is my refuge.Glad you enjoyed yourself.It was all the build up to it that was the worst thing.Today has been an anti climax in a strange sort of way.I hope we have all made it through in whatever way we could.X Jill

1 Like

Dear Jill

My two adult children and I were invited to my oldest friends to spend Christmas with her and her family. Her 92 year old father was there who was missing his wife of 60 years - but we laughed, remembered them, included them in the conversation and generally we all had a lovely meal. I too am so grateful to her for her kindness and for inviting us. Gary loved her too - he loved making her laugh and there were a few comments that we ‘finished off’ for him and we all laughed. It brought him to the table as we all knew what he would be saying. I am pleased you have a good time at your neighbours and there is nothing like a dog to cuddle. You have done so well today and your Rob would be proud of you. Of course your home is your refuge as it is where you feel closer to him. We are all home again now and will attempt a word game… knowing if he was here he would beat us hollow !! xx


Trisha, You have said it all, no day is any different, they are just days that we dread and when we reach them it turns out to be just another day. I felt exactly the same as you this morning. I walked the dogs this morning as I always do. We called into the cemetery and replaced Brian’s flowers, then and only then did the tears come but I got them over and done with. I walked along the seafront and as the weather was bright and sunny there was quite a few people out, all wishing each other a merry Christmas. I walked with a lady I sometimes meet and realised that I was doing all right and if I had to spend the day on my own I would have coped. I went to have dinner with my grandson and family, my son sent me a text which I was so pleased about as we have had little to do with each other for a few years. My Gr Grandkids told me how much they loved me and and we was able to talk about Brian at the dinner table quite easily., so all in all a good day, until I got home and had to walk into a quiet dark house but switching on my tree lights and a walk with the dogs soon put that right. Yes bit by bit we are stepping through this maze of emotions.
My love to you all


Dear Jonathan

My lovely friend made me and my two adult children welcome and provided us with a splendid Christmas lunch. I think if it were just the three of us it would have been a different day completely. It is just another day really - and to be honest now we are home again I really am ready for bed -but will attempt the new board game we bought. I can understand not wanting to be with others - it is only because she is closer than a sister that we went to her and because she loved Gary too. Her family are a delight and the life and soul was her 92 year old father - who was just a wonderful lunch companion. He lost his wife two years ago after over 60 years of marriage - and if he can do it - then I certainly can.
Blessings to you and thank you for all your kind comments and advice and I wish you a peaceful evening and hope the coffee shop is back open tomorrow. xx

Jill I am so pleased you had a nice day with your neighbour, I was thinking about you… She certainly is a lovely person we could do with more like her.
Pat xxx

Dear Pat

I am so pleased your day went as well as it could. Dog walkers are nearly all special people and when I eventually retire I will get a dog again. Delighted you had a message from your son and your gr grandkids sound lovely. My son bought me an Alexa - I think I will like that as I can tell it to put LBC on … we shall see. Thank goodness for true friends and the love we get from the ones that do care. xxx

Its funny you mention the Alexa because my grandson was showing me his and said that they nearly got one for me but didn’t know whether I would like it. I was asking it to play all the old Rock and Roll numbers that I grew up with and me and Elouize (she’s 7yrs) were dancing around the kitchen. Decided I would like one, now I’ve actually seen one close up. Yes the kids are great and all coming to me tomorrow. I owe this family so much, so supportive so I made sure they got a good Christmas.

Jonathan, you have upset me now as I thought you was going to a neighbour for Christmas day and I am so sorry that you was on your own. You have always been so supportive, inspirational and helpful to people on this forum. I know what you mean though about having to make that extra effort, that is why I am only just beginning to go out on occasions, otherwise I prefer to do the things that I find I am comfortable with. I never feel I am good company and wonder if people can see that pain. I don’t wish to inflict myself on others. Know exactly what you mean like you I don’t think I’m miserable. I can laugh and chat quite happily but until that pain fades naturally it can be a heavy load to carry.
Love to you
Pat xxxx

I don’t know what I was worried about.It was all that hype leading up to it.I’m glad you all enjoyed yourselves as much as you could.All in all,I treated it like an ordinary day and we are through the worst of it now.Until next year,I suppose!I hope the New Year is better for us and I’ve decided I can make that journey to my daughters next Summer.It’s only 2 trains.How hard can that be?Love to you all,you are fantastic xxxx

1 Like

Hi Jonathan
I have no family and have spent the day on my own too. I understand what you have had to process today and just want to send you a hug. Sometimes the most positive people can also be the one’s on their own. There is an uncanny strength in an alone person and one who only focuses on the positives and never complains. My thoughts are with you today x

1 Like

Hi. Pat. No, it’s OK, honest. It was a last minute alteration and it meant travelling in a car for over 30 minutes which I did not want. They wanted me to go and were very persuasive, but i’m not up to it yet. I prefer to drive myself, but it would be in the dark and if I had a few drinks, which I would have, then it would not have been safe.
Yup!!! The pain is still there. Not as bad but there. We have survived this far. Tough going?? I’ll say, but it will and does improve.
Love and a hug. XX

Hi Jonathan I also had to drive to my family, about a thirty minute drive. On the way the sun kept blinding me and on the way back it was dark and I had some idiot with four lights on the front of the car which was dazzling me. I realised I didn’t enjoy night driving any more. Then to make it worse I have to park on road and couldn’t find anywhere near my house. The worst part was walking back into the house in the dark. Reality hit me, I was alone, even with the excitement of my dogs. I took them out for a walk to pull myself out of the miseries as all in all I had a pleasant day with family. I fortunately don’t drink so didn’t have that problem, don’t think apple juice will affect me.
Hugs to you
Pat xxx