Christmas Time and Expectations to be 'Over' it

This is a fairly beefy entry. I’m just unsure after 7 months how I am ‘supposed’ to be doing, as the stresses of my work and most importantly, the holidays are coming up.

7 months ago I lost my Nan, fairly quickly from diagnosis. My nan was my backbone, she was like a mother to me - I’ve experienced loss before, but never quite like this. I can’t quite express the awfulness of losing her, but over the last few months the pain, whilst still there, has become earable - until now.

Christmas is coming, and I’m finding it hard. I think a lot of people do. She loved Christmas, always went ‘OTT’, but now that this Christmas is coming, I feel so strange. I’ve never had a Christmas without her. Some years, It would just be her and me.

I’ve also started my research degree recently, which I’m finding particularly hard. I feel as though I can’t tell my advisors fully what has gone on. Because she was ‘only’ my grandmother, I wasn’t allowed more than 2 days off work previously, although I was organising the funeral etc. So I’m not sure if my academic supervisors would understand.

t’s hard enough to lose a grandparent, but when you view one as a parent, somehow it feels like your experience is invalidated at every take, as if they don’t matter ‘as much.’ I guess I would just like to know how other people are dealing with Xmas and the expectation to be ‘over it.’


Just lost my wife (62) on 14/11 after 25 years together and just about finished the funeral arrangements ready for the 11/12,

Writing her eulogy helped me focus on all of the nice and positive thing, some difficult moments and some nice happy memories too.

My wife absolutely loved Christmas and everything about it, right now she’s nagging me to get the tree cut and put the outside lights up.
Once the funeral is over I will decorate the house and make her happy and proud as she’s watching over us all …… so that’s my plan!

She used to love sitting in the room at night with the Christmas tree lights and other decorations on with a glass of Baileys. I’m going to try and make things as she loved it and be positive


So sorry for your loss. My Nan loved a Baileys on ice, so that is what I’ll be drinking when I put the tree up. I think I may follow suit and try and make sure I make things as Christmas-sy as possible !


so sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss , please approach your adviser at college and explain she was like your guardian and you have the responsibility of finalising her affairs . She should take that into consideration. Or speak to someone in the students office who could possibly help you. Hope that helps.
My husband passed on 12th december last year and christmas was a bit of a blur to be honest . My daughter made sure i had a meal and as she was my husbands messenger i had gifts from him already bought by her. I opened them on christmas eve and cried myself to sleep. I thoughti would not do any decorations until after his anniversary, but a voice in my head keeps saying “When are we putting the tree up and all the lights in the garden.” He loved the decorations and lights of christmas so i think i might just start this weekend. Decorate znd remember your lovely gran, take care.

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I spoke to my younger daughter yesterday and we decided to have an afternoon session doing the decorations and get some pizza for or chinese and do her proud!

She loved Christmas and would want things to be as normal as possible!


So sorry for your loss and 2 days off is nothing! Maybe you could consider getting signed off work for a bit! I lost my Mum in March this year and I was only given 3 days compassionate leave! I ended up getting sick notes for around 3 months and I still wasn’t quite ready to return!

There should be more help out there for people going through a bereavement but they just expect us just to get on with it!


I’m usually a robust and stoic type but Elissa’s passing rocked me to the core

My sleep patterns weren’t good and my concentration was not great. My daughter is a GP and used my NHS app to get a 3 week sick certificate for stress !

That expires tomorrow and I know I wouldn’t have been ready before now !

I only have to work to the 20/12 then I am retired.

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