Christmas without both my sons

Hi … I’m just dreading Christmas. Both adult sons died … one six years ago and one seventeen months ago. I can’t remember last Christmas. I am having panic attacks and I have that absolutely stone sinking feeling. I dont want to be with anyone … there will be me and my husband home alone. It’s unbearable … when I think of the lovely rowdy busy family Christmas we we shared in the past. I really really do t k ow what to do or how to cope with this.

Thanks for reading, Sue

Hello Pedro. I am so sorry for the loss of your sons. Of course you’re dreading Christmas. I wouldn’t mind if it passed me by. Why don’t you try doing something completely different? Maybe just up sticks and go away for a few days. I’m taking my 2 dogs and renting a holiday cottage in North Wales for the week. I don’t think I could bear to sit through it at home now. Going away for Christmas was something me and my husband started to do after the children left home so I have continued to do it. Walking on the beach is quite exhilarating. When I come back, it’s all over - good riddance I say.
Anyway, just a suggestion. Life can be so hard. Sending love xx

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Thank you for your reply Kate. We did think of that but my husband had a breakdown and I’m wary of taking him away from home. I have absolutely no motivation or energy. No doubt I will survive Christmasisuopose but I so miss those rowdy happy Christmases we always had! I do t want to be with other people so we will have to get through it on our own somehow.

Thank you ., I hope you can enjoy your Christmas x

Hi I too lost my lovely son this time last year to suicide there was just me and him we were so close I have nobody else soon after I suffered a major heart attack and sudden cardiac arrest I can barely walk but I refused surgery because I want out now! You are lucky you have your husband for support it’s somebody to share with. I think one way to cope could be doing something completely different like help out with the homeless less fortunate people but you know it’s a tall order all the counselling in the world is not going to bring our boys back sorry if this sounds bleak but I’m at the end of my rope. I’m so sorry for your loss but thank god I have my spiritual beliefs to cling on to sometimes it gets me through other times not we’re only human. Kindest regards x

Thank you so much for replying. I am trying to do stuff for others but am tied to caring for my husband. I have been knitting fiddle muffs for dementia patients and recently started to learn to crochet. I can identify with the bleak! I feel the same. The counselling is so hard to do but I will keep trying.

I hope you can find some peace at Christmas … it’s hard. Tried to do some Christmas shopping today … three panic attacks later I had done a bit … it’s exhausting! Utterly exhausting! Sending you hugs and understanding.

Sue x

Bless you!! I wish you well and hope you get through although it sounds like you are doing s wonderful job! Lots of love X

Well done for doing some shopping Sue. I haven’t begun. My daughter loved Christmas. She like any excuse to send cards and buy presents.
We miss them every day of course but special occasions seem to rub it in don’t they?
Keep going. Here’s to us all getting through it. X

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Hi Kate how are u getting on …where in North wales are u going …I’m in abergle xx

Good morning Michelle. I’m getting on as well as I can - thank you for asking. I’m going to Conwy - I think this is the 5th year of going. It’s really lovely and 2 minutes to the beach so the dogs enjoy it too. My husband used to love looking out at the boats. The cottage is all ready for Christmas when we arrive with lovely decorated tree and little treats etc. I’m taking a bauble with initial D on it and a hanging photo to put on tree. I’m actually looking forward to going. Yes, I know sadness will come with me but sadness is always with me anyway. I think sadness is our new best friend Michelle.

Anyway, what about you Michelle. Will you be staying home with the children? Visitors perhaps? I’m sure you’ll do the best you can under the circumstances. I hope you find comfort in your little ones. Sending love xx

That sound really nice …i would have gone away if I could have just to escape from it all …but every spare penny has gone on the kids … I was also thinking about getting something that the kids could put on the tree …for there daddy it’s just so saf having to go out and buy something like that …
My dad and his partner are going to come and stay with us for two nights so we are not on our own …

I have good an bad days but like u said always have a sadness hanging over me…

Conwy is lovely…it’s about ten minutes from me …and llandudno is always nice …

It’s hard to gear my self up I’ve always loved Christmas but without Gary the sparkle has gone …

Thank you for your message

Love Michelle x

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It’s good to hear you won’t be on your own Michelle over Christmas. I think having your dad and his partner there will be a great help. Of course your beloved Gary will be there too watching over you and your children. I think it’s a lovely idea to get something for the kids to hang on the tree for their daddy. Marks and Spencer have some lovely tree decorations with letters etc on. (It’s where I got mine from) Or they could make their own if you can’t find what you want.

With love xx

Hi Michelle you can buy a bauble with your husbands photo i from the photo shops they do a star or a bauble my daugther bought one with a picture of her dad to put on her tree Dawne

That’s great Dawn thank you …I’m going into town tomorrow…been thinking about you …hope you are ok x

It is so hard. My partner of 48 years was literally ripped from me under horrible circumstances. I don’t want apologies. Everyone tried hard but not coordinated…
I turned my anger and sadness to doing someositive stuff to sto it jappening to others

It is so hard. My partner of 48 years was literally ripped from me under horrible circumstances. I don’t want apologies. Everyone tried hard but not coordinated…
I turned my anger and sadness to doing some positive stuff to stop it happening to others. Love to tell you what I’m doing. It helps my pride.
I am not lonely but miss her like half of my heart Iain pain

Hello sue, I’m so sorry for the pain you’re feeling. It has to be just horrendous. My son died in July and it’s a nightmare. I was glad to read another mum saying what I feel, all the counciling, help, talking, in the world isn’t going to bring our boys back. I don’t know how to live on without him. But each day keeps dawning. I to wish I had a husband to lean on at times. It’s lonely with just grief and sorrow for company. I hope you get strength from somewhere. Keep talking on here, people are lovely and understanding. Hugs from me x

Hi and thank you for replying. I hope you get through Christmas ok … it’s so hard isn’t it. I don’t remember last Christmasmas. We can only do our best… it’s just so shocking … you never expect your children to go before you! It’s not the natural order of things … hugs from one heartbroken mum to another xx