Christmas without my beautiful mum

This will be my 3rd Christmas without my beautiful mum.

We lost her in 2020. The past 2 Christmases were in lockdown and so we obviously couldn’t have family here.

The thing is this year I have my in laws coming to stay, and I am dreading it. I don’t particularly have a good relationship with my mother in law and I feel so angry that she gets to be here when my mum can’t.

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to be. I always find Christmas Eve the worst somehow. I don’t want to be sad for the sake of my children, but I just don’t want them here.

Im so sorry for your loss, i lost my mum 6 weeks ago and am dreading Christmas eve and boxing day more than christmas day,
me and my mum really enjoyed the build up to Christmas, buying gifts and all the lovely food shopping. all the bits and bobs. we would normally have a big family Christmas with my sister and all her Children, ( she lives away) shes not coming this year so it will be just me, my husband and my ( selfish) teenagers!!!

i completely understood the anger you feel about your in-laws coming, i would feel the same way, it all sèems so unfair,

just do what you need to do to get through Christmas, have a good drink. This time will pass and untill it does take comfort knowing that you are not along, I get it,

Ah I’m so sorry too for the loss of your mum. You must be heartbroken.

I too have a selfish teenager! It’s hard enough grieving and you still have to deal with the day to day unpredictable dramas they bring hey. It’s a slog that’s for sure.

Thanks for your support. Being a mum myself, I think I now realise how important a mother is at Christmas. They are the ones to make it special for everyone, dnd they do the majority of the preparations don’t they. That’s why it’s soooo hard without them :broken_heart:

Also as you say, all the lovely build up you and your mum used to do and love doing together. It’s awful when you can’t do that anymore.

That’s great advice, I’ll have a good drink to get me thru. I also think I will be taking time out to shut myself away for half an hour whenever it’s too much and go and lie on my bed. I’m dreading how they being here will make it more real that she’s gone :broken_heart:x

This is my 1st christmas without my mum and careing for my not so good dad …its very hard & unbearable xxx

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I lost my mum in august and im dreading this xmas as for the sake of my dad we are staying at a hotel and visiting my aunt for xmas dinner but all i want to do is be at home with my cats. I have no children and neither does my brother so i dont even have the its for the kids i just feel this is all just almost unbearable. Your not alone in family nightmare of xmas.


This time will pass my friend,
I plan on taking the dog out for a long long walk just to pass the time away, i really look forward to bedtime, I have been waking up at 4am every morning, so by about 8pm im exhausted :weary: .
we might be surprised and be able to find some joy over Christmas, at the moment, i feel like im just holding my breath untill its over,
sending you all love, strength, and prays to enable you to bear this grief . x

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Hi @Woody01934

I’m Kate, a member of the Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community - thank you for sharing how you are feeling.

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and how you are feeling. The community is a supportive place where you can always share how you are feeling, but you may also find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:

Our recently launched Grief Guide which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief.

I know you are also caring for your dad, so iplease do visit to find out more advice and support.

Take care and keep reaching out,


Hi, I too have lost my lovely Dad (in August). This xmas will be different with family members who don’t normally come to my house. It will be incredibly difficult for me too. The anger is difficult to cope with - I feel it every time I hear of someone older than my dad was. But I suppose it is only one day and will be over soon.


I can bear xmas at parents house and they live so far away that there seems no point when my dad is moblie so we are meeting up at hotel and visiting a relative but really i want to do nothing i feel like for 3 days i have to pretend.

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It is a very difficult time of year. Please just try not to worry too much in the run up to it and give yourself plenty of wee breaks during the 3 days. I too have cats and they do cheer me up!


Mum left us in March this year and I’ve really struggled as we were exceptionally close, best friends as well as mother & daughter…
I’ve thrown myself into making Christmas nice for my Dad, who isn’t too well, & the rest of the family but realised it was always mum I did it all previously. We’d share all the preparations and she loved the decorations etc. Now it’s over I’m missing her more than ever and in floods of tears all over again. My heart goes out to everyone in the same position.


Well you definitely sound like a loving and selfless person who is still strong enough to be thinking of your dad. The fact that you miss your mum so much just proves how much she meant to you and remember you onlt feel grief when youve felt love. Take care of yourself x



I’m so sorry it’s your first Christmas without you mum. And to be caring for your Dad must be so very hard.

It’s my first Christmas without my mum too. In fact, today is the anniversary of her passing past year. I’m alone now ( well, with our two little dogs ), as my Dad passed 16 years ago this coming March. As I’m single, I’d always lived at home with Mum and Dad. I realised when she died that the longest I’d ever spent without her was when I went on holiday with a boyfriend for two weeks in my 30s. I’m now 59 ( just on 22nd Dec ).

I hope that Christmas Day somehow offered you some comfort. People tell me to be kind to myself but it’s hard to know what to do isn’t it?

Take care ….there are lots of lovely people on her who are always willing to chat.


my dad is now ill too but i live on my own with my two elderly cats. i spent xmas day and boxing day with my dad at at hotel and at a cousins and i was a very difficult day for both of us ans where upset at poignant moments like kings speech etc.

the next trial is new years eve but i see these 3 days as a break to try and pick up the pieces

Hi chip21, youve got through xmas and you will get through new year too. Ive been trying to focus on the new year being a new start, I just want out of 2022 which has been truly awful. Im hoping to try a new craft and try to do something positive.
Just take one day at a time, in fact the last advice my dad gave me was to never waste time worrying about things cause it either never happens or there’s nothing you can do about it anyway !
Please take care of yourself x