I have sat reading for some time now postings and getting some comfort from them in my own way.
I lost my wife back in March this year to metastic renal cancer. 5 years from initial surgery of losing a kidney and coming up 4 years dialysis, which i learnt to do at home for her, haemodialysis. Then just over a year before she died we were told cancer was back, in her spine and other areas. Complex health needs as was called meant chemo was not maybe an option, targetted radiotherapy went out the window when last scan showed had spread. So we agreed to make the best of what we had and a year later she lost her battle with me by her side, dying at home as she wished.
Its been tough since, life changed from being a carer and full time to nothing, evenings the worst I find. We have an adult son with special needs who lives at home and I care for. We have a great relationship and Mum talked about every day one way or another.
We have done her birthday in August and what would have been our 39th anniversary, just a day apart. Also just had our sons birthday and 1st without Mum. Christmas is coming and I admit I am struggling. Our son is talking of Christmas and done his list, he still believes and I am starting to think of things and part of me wants to ensure we have a good Christmas, it just be the 2 of us but also feel i want to close the door and open again once it all done with.
How do others deal with such situations? We don’t have family to speak of, like many it’s complex. So just the 2 of us though have good friends and neighbours. I want to make special and as normal as can be but same time feel why bother. I have always been a lover of the time of year, the tree and lights, etc.
I know we will get through it and I will ensure is as good as can be for my son but feel inside empty. Now the dramas and everything have passed life returns to normal as it does for folk and I don’t see many really these days. I have my own health issues which limit things but you make the best of a bad job. I find if anything is now I am lonely and try to carve a new life for me and my son the best I can.
I just wondered how others cope. I know will get there slowly and just feel mixed about the pending festive season on the horizon. I am grateful you have read this far!