Hello All

I have sat reading for some time now postings and getting some comfort from them in my own way.

I lost my wife back in March this year to metastic renal cancer. 5 years from initial surgery of losing a kidney and coming up 4 years dialysis, which i learnt to do at home for her, haemodialysis. Then just over a year before she died we were told cancer was back, in her spine and other areas. Complex health needs as was called meant chemo was not maybe an option, targetted radiotherapy went out the window when last scan showed had spread. So we agreed to make the best of what we had and a year later she lost her battle with me by her side, dying at home as she wished.

Its been tough since, life changed from being a carer and full time to nothing, evenings the worst I find. We have an adult son with special needs who lives at home and I care for. We have a great relationship and Mum talked about every day one way or another.

We have done her birthday in August and what would have been our 39th anniversary, just a day apart. Also just had our sons birthday and 1st without Mum. Christmas is coming and I admit I am struggling. Our son is talking of Christmas and done his list, he still believes and I am starting to think of things and part of me wants to ensure we have a good Christmas, it just be the 2 of us but also feel i want to close the door and open again once it all done with.

How do others deal with such situations? We don’t have family to speak of, like many it’s complex. So just the 2 of us though have good friends and neighbours. I want to make special and as normal as can be but same time feel why bother. I have always been a lover of the time of year, the tree and lights, etc.

I know we will get through it and I will ensure is as good as can be for my son but feel inside empty. Now the dramas and everything have passed life returns to normal as it does for folk and I don’t see many really these days. I have my own health issues which limit things but you make the best of a bad job. I find if anything is now I am lonely and try to carve a new life for me and my son the best I can.

I just wondered how others cope. I know will get there slowly and just feel mixed about the pending festive season on the horizon. I am grateful you have read this far!

I lost my mum this year and so, like you Christmas is causing anxiety for me. There are 2 things I have thought of that might make a difference for you. I would be looking into this if I didnt have the rest of my family to consider.

Would booking a nice restaurant for the meal be an option? You could still have some of the traditions that you made as a family but also do things a little differently so the whole day isnt about comparrisons.

The other thought, and this might not be an option depending on your son’s needs, but volunteering to help at a community kitchen might be another way to get through the day.

I hope that you find a suitable way to get through it. Good luck.

I am dreading christmas after loosing my dad 6 weeks ago. It is 44 years ago since I lost my mam. Since loosing my dad I am greiving all over again for my mother. Myself & my daughter are now paranoid about loosing each other.

I am also dreading my first Christmas without my beloved mum, I am just not interested one iota.

Some ideas:
1- treat yourselves to a meal out this year, get a bit dressed up and let someone else do the cooking and washing up!

2- sod the turkey, why don’t you go alternative and cook yours and your son’s favourite meal and dessert, buck tradition!

3- invite close friends over and everyone bring a dish. Then maybe games after.

Anything to get through it as the first one will be tough. :heart:

this will be my second xmas without hubby and it will be the same as ever albeit sad that he is not here. the decs will go up on the1st dec, presents will still be bought and the turkey will still be there. to me its no different than any other day of the week.

I lost my hubby in July and it’s his birthday on boxing day so I’m not looking forward to Xmas at all…but I’m having the family round and still putting the tree up…I know it’s what mike would have wanted ,…it’s going to be tough though…xx

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Thanks for all the replys. I really appreciate it. Thanks

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