This Christmas will be the eighth one without my beloved husband.
Don’t wait for an invite @Danielle2. Take off on your own. You won’t regret it. My husband and I went away for Christmas every year once the children had grown up. Nothing exotic, just a self catering cottage in Wales. After he passed away, I continued to go away and our son came too. Our son has now married which threw somebody else into the equation. Last Christmas our son was in such a dilemma because his wife wanted to spend Christmas with her family (and why shouldn’t she?) He even suggested I go with them. I was horrified. I couIdn’t imagine anything worse than playing happy families when I just wanted to be alone. I told him I would be fine and they could come out to Wales towards the end of the week if they wanted. Honestly, it was the first Christmas I had looked forward to since losing my man and honestly, it was the best Christmas since losing my man.
Christmas is just another day and I think we can overplay it. Oh yes, I had many people say “But you can’t spend Christmas alone.” I can and I did and I will again, I hope. I have already booked my holiday cottage and I intend to say the same to our son and wife as I did last year.
Make the right decision for you @Danielle2. Best wishes x
Hi, just reading about Christmas without our loved.ones. this will be my 3rd Christmas without my Husband, he died July 2022. First one was awful felt so.lost even with family around. Second year.just kept busy going to shops Christmas.shopping etc, kills you hearing Christmas.songs, it ends up me and my Son on Christmas day for dinner. His Wife usually goes to her Mothers for dinner, family tradition, other Son wants to have a family Christmas at their own house.with their kids. I feel in the way. Wish i could do something different. ,this year. Its just a horrible thing to go through, we were married 40 years , its quite a long time. Miss my lovely Hubby and im sorry for all on here going through this. Xx
I’m personally dreading christmas. decorating mum’s house was a ritual and a role i took on whether sis or i spent xmas there or not. There’s too much pressure on holidays to have a ‘great’ time. Usually mum, sis and i christmased at our own houses so mum sometimes was alone. There’s nothing wrong with spending xmas alone but choosing to is different to having no option which is where loneliness may come in. Sometimes you can be alone without being lonely!
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all lived close together and could just meet up on Christmas Day and talk the people we loved & lost….
I’ll be with my daughters but it’s going to be the first one without my wife. We’re all dreading it! But I’ll be putting her name on present tags and Christmas cards…… She’s still in our lives……
For me, the key to Xmas is to recognise that “Xmas will never be the same”. I dreaded my first one as well. So I decided that if it will hurt, I won’t do it. At least I’d do something completely different!!
The alternative isnt to grin and bear it!
I also wanted it to be a celebration of the 50 Xmasses we did spend together, not to put myself and everybody else into a state of misery. That would be unfair, so I’d just have to pretend I’m happy all day when I’m not.
I mentioned earlier in this thread, that my “something different” last year was to go off for a trek in the Peak District, where I talked to her all the way, followed by a pint in a country pub. I didnt feel lonely and abandoned, because several people who had invited me for the day all phoned me during the day!! I really enjoyed it!! In truth it was better than many of the previous 50 years! Even more I enjoyed not having cards and presents.
This year, I’m going to walk somewhere else (depending on the weather) and arrange an Indian Banquet “Somewhere”, and share it with my dogs
Weve all been there @Rosiejack , I remember it very well, that torrent of emotions!!
Your new life will build eventually, the hurtful thoughts fade away, but we hang on to those wonderful happy memories to play in our minds over and over, and smile each time.
Good luck.
I am spending this one on my own. I will be half way through my own chemo sessions so as its every Friday have told the kids I may not be up to much, not ideal but I guess I need to get it done. Last year Was my 1st christmas and I travelled the country to visit my kids and had that fake smile so as not to ruin it for the grandchildren.
I don’t know whether to send cards.
I also don’t know whether to tell people I don’t want them to send cards.
Just thinking about cards on display saddens me.
The only reason for the doubt, should I experience it as part of the grief process?
I suppose the same applies to sending cards.
I have sent birthday cards with just my name on them.
Rose x
Someone on this thread said something along the lines of it doesnt matter where what who at christmas, our lost loved ones won’t be there, so it doesn’t matter where or what it won’t be the same without them…
That really helped me with how i approach this xmas
My first without my mum
Im making no fixed plans. However, i have told people im not celebrating with them , i dont want cards, etc
That said, i think i might put up the decorations & spend the day alone with my memories, without reminders from other people that i no longer have a family. Being alone seems emotionally safer for me
Hi @Ribena99 when you are used to having Christmas with one or two members of a remaining family as opposed to loads of relatives etc and then you lose one it makes it really hard to deal with, for the last 10 years really it has only been me, my wife and my daughter, what makes it really hard for me was the absolute childlike excitement that my wife had for Christmas, particularly for putting up the decorations, tree etc. it started at the end of November, I shall have to do something or my daughter will also be on her own, I am sure my wife would want and expect it to continue as before but it upsets me every time I think about it.
@swift its understandable that you would feel so upset with it being just the three of you, especially with your wife being excited for it. How is your daughter feeling about it? it was only ever really mum & me, though we had some Christmas apart over the years for various reasons, but my mum was always excited for it. I feel like i can manage decorations in her memory, but only alone. i don’t feel like i can handle any festive joy around anyone else at all. Bit baa humbug but I can’t face knwoing she is not here and preteding to be happy for other people’s sake, and their attempts to hide their pity for me.
I had cards sent to me last year from all my new neighbours, we moved here in the April and Rob passed in the July. It was nice to receive them at such a sad time and I sent lots as well, I didn’t do a tree as I wasn’t going to be here but made an efffort with a few decorations. This year is my 2nd Christmas alone and I will send cards and decorate the living room.
I sent cards last year (some for practical reasons, as a lot of people didn’t know John had died). But I didn’t put any up; I just put the ones I received into a drawer. Probably do the same this year. I’m alone, no family, so decorating is pointless and just makes me realise what is lost.
I think there may well be people who don’t know.
So I will consider when to write to them.
I think if I get any cards they will go in a drawer.
Thank you x
I have no family, i tend to make a fuss of friends on birthdays so that Christmas isn’t expensive so I’d hope not to receive anything. I am swaying to putting decorations up in memory of my mum though. Any cards etc I won’t open. I may even start putting the word out to people so that I dont get anything from them. Not to be miserly but that’s how I feel. All any of us can do is do whatever gets through the next few months as best we can. x
I think I’ll be alone this Christmas too. My first without mum. I have a brother but I haven’t heard from him since August. I’ve tried phoning and texting him a few times but had no response. Not sure what I’ve done to upset him. He wasn’t very good at keeping in contact with mum either which upset her quite a bit but she didn’t say anything. It’s my birthday next week, first without mum so I’m feeling quite emotional. xx
@Victoria22 so sorry to read this, understandable to feel emotional with everything. it sounds as though you haven’t done anything wrong with your brother, so don’t put any blame on yourself. have you any close friends to support you, and able to support you for your birthday? x
This is my 2nd Xmas without my husband. He spent Xmas 2022 in hospital, so we had a double Xmas/birthday celebration in April when he came home. Sadly he died in September 2023 so last year was horrendous. This year I’m spending Xmas day with my daughter and grandsons, then boxing day with a friend who is all alone for Xmas and then I travel to my son to celebrate his birthday on 28th. I’ll stay till new year and enjoy the dog walking on the beach. I find it hard signing just my name on cards and gifts, but I know his spirit is all around us. Just looking into the eyes of my children I can see my husband so he lives on in them.