This Christmas will be the eighth one without my beloved husband.
Don’t wait for an invite @Danielle2. Take off on your own. You won’t regret it. My husband and I went away for Christmas every year once the children had grown up. Nothing exotic, just a self catering cottage in Wales. After he passed away, I continued to go away and our son came too. Our son has now married which threw somebody else into the equation. Last Christmas our son was in such a dilemma because his wife wanted to spend Christmas with her family (and why shouldn’t she?) He even suggested I go with them. I was horrified. I couIdn’t imagine anything worse than playing happy families when I just wanted to be alone. I told him I would be fine and they could come out to Wales towards the end of the week if they wanted. Honestly, it was the first Christmas I had looked forward to since losing my man and honestly, it was the best Christmas since losing my man.
Christmas is just another day and I think we can overplay it. Oh yes, I had many people say “But you can’t spend Christmas alone.” I can and I did and I will again, I hope. I have already booked my holiday cottage and I intend to say the same to our son and wife as I did last year.
Make the right decision for you @Danielle2. Best wishes x
Hi, just reading about Christmas without our loved.ones. this will be my 3rd Christmas without my Husband, he died July 2022. First one was awful felt so.lost even with family around. Second year.just kept busy going to shops Christmas.shopping etc, kills you hearing Christmas.songs, it ends up me and my Son on Christmas day for dinner. His Wife usually goes to her Mothers for dinner, family tradition, other Son wants to have a family Christmas at their own house.with their kids. I feel in the way. Wish i could do something different. ,this year. Its just a horrible thing to go through, we were married 40 years , its quite a long time. Miss my lovely Hubby and im sorry for all on here going through this. Xx
Hi
Yes xmas is not ever going to be the same. I lost my partner 12 weeks ago today. Feels.like 12 minutes. I went back to work yesterday. Have said I will work it this year. Not that theres great cheer there but it will help me I think. I am just grateful we had a lovely day last year. I still cannot belive my beloved has past so quickly and so painfully. After 34 years I am in deep shock still amd in emotional pain. Hope you do find some inner peace.
I’m personally dreading christmas. decorating mum’s house was a ritual and a role i took on whether sis or i spent xmas there or not. There’s too much pressure on holidays to have a ‘great’ time. Usually mum, sis and i christmased at our own houses so mum sometimes was alone. There’s nothing wrong with spending xmas alone but choosing to is different to having no option which is where loneliness may come in. Sometimes you can be alone without being lonely!
Hi very true ypur last few words.my partner loved xmas she would love everything. Bit she last in 19th june so I have no choice too painful to get any of our santas out. Will try and work then out for walks with our beloved jack. Then bed. Its going to be very difficult and hard to digest that she is no longer here and I am. None makes any sense. With a bit of luck it will go by very quickly and I can try to thino about my future in this world. Take cares
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all lived close together and could just meet up on Christmas Day and talk the people we loved & lost….
I’ll be with my daughters but it’s going to be the first one without my wife. We’re all dreading it! But I’ll be putting her name on present tags and Christmas cards…… She’s still in our lives……
Hi Derek
That would be lovely not a cry tear… i lost my partner in june every day seems to be june 19th. Cant think about xmas to be honest. Hopefully will be working. If not will remain on my own and take jack for a walk. Need to process what has happended as its still raw. I know that if i were else where else where I would be sad and couldnt face being with anyone. Take care
For me, the key to Xmas is to recognise that “Xmas will never be the same”. I dreaded my first one as well. So I decided that if it will hurt, I won’t do it. At least I’d do something completely different!!
The alternative isnt to grin and bear it!
I also wanted it to be a celebration of the 50 Xmasses we did spend together, not to put myself and everybody else into a state of misery. That would be unfair, so I’d just have to pretend I’m happy all day when I’m not.
I mentioned earlier in this thread, that my “something different” last year was to go off for a trek in the Peak District, where I talked to her all the way, followed by a pint in a country pub. I didnt feel lonely and abandoned, because several people who had invited me for the day all phoned me during the day!! I really enjoyed it!! In truth it was better than many of the previous 50 years! Even more I enjoyed not having cards and presents.
This year, I’m going to walk somewhere else (depending on the weather) and arrange an Indian Banquet “Somewhere”, and share it with my dogs
Hi sounds good.i have just found out I am working so will treat as another day.
Last xmas was so special I will never forget.
Just keep thinking how did it ever come to this x
Weve all been there @Rosiejack , I remember it very well, that torrent of emotions!!
Your new life will build eventually, the hurtful thoughts fade away, but we hang on to those wonderful happy memories to play in our minds over and over, and smile each time.
Good luck.
I am spending this one on my own. I will be half way through my own chemo sessions so as its every Friday have told the kids I may not be up to much, not ideal but I guess I need to get it done. Last year Was my 1st christmas and I travelled the country to visit my kids and had that fake smile so as not to ruin it for the grandchildren.
Hi all
Am working this xmas. As otherwise will be in bed for 2 days. I again really finding this acceptance not good at all. The tears come at the drop of a hat… I liked the idea of a wine like Ron. But know if I had one I really wouldnt stop. And wpuld not be in a good place. So have to trwat xmas like any other day… hugs to all.x
I don’t know whether to send cards.
I also don’t know whether to tell people I don’t want them to send cards.
Just thinking about cards on display saddens me.
The only reason for the doubt, should I experience it as part of the grief process?
I suppose the same applies to sending cards.
I have sent birthday cards with just my name on them.
Rose x
Hi rose
You would hope people will think twice maybe of they sent a thinking of you. However mine will have to be stored away once through the post if I get any that is with stamps at £1.65. Dont think about it too much x
Someone on this thread said something along the lines of it doesnt matter where what who at christmas, our lost loved ones won’t be there, so it doesn’t matter where or what it won’t be the same without them…
That really helped me with how i approach this xmas
My first without my mum
Im making no fixed plans. However, i have told people im not celebrating with them , i dont want cards, etc
That said, i think i might put up the decorations & spend the day alone with my memories, without reminders from other people that i no longer have a family. Being alone seems emotionally safer for me
Hi @Ribena99 when you are used to having Christmas with one or two members of a remaining family as opposed to loads of relatives etc and then you lose one it makes it really hard to deal with, for the last 10 years really it has only been me, my wife and my daughter, what makes it really hard for me was the absolute childlike excitement that my wife had for Christmas, particularly for putting up the decorations, tree etc. it started at the end of November, I shall have to do something or my daughter will also be on her own, I am sure my wife would want and expect it to continue as before but it upsets me every time I think about it.
@swift its understandable that you would feel so upset with it being just the three of you, especially with your wife being excited for it. How is your daughter feeling about it? it was only ever really mum & me, though we had some Christmas apart over the years for various reasons, but my mum was always excited for it. I feel like i can manage decorations in her memory, but only alone. i don’t feel like i can handle any festive joy around anyone else at all. Bit baa humbug but I can’t face knwoing she is not here and preteding to be happy for other people’s sake, and their attempts to hide their pity for me.
I had cards sent to me last year from all my new neighbours, we moved here in the April and Rob passed in the July. It was nice to receive them at such a sad time and I sent lots as well, I didn’t do a tree as I wasn’t going to be here but made an efffort with a few decorations. This year is my 2nd Christmas alone and I will send cards and decorate the living room.
I sent cards last year (some for practical reasons, as a lot of people didn’t know John had died). But I didn’t put any up; I just put the ones I received into a drawer. Probably do the same this year. I’m alone, no family, so decorating is pointless and just makes me realise what is lost.
I think there may well be people who don’t know.
So I will consider when to write to them.
I think if I get any cards they will go in a drawer.
Thank you x