I lost my wonderful Mum just under a month ago. She’d had a long, courageous but incredibly sad battle over 3 years suffering with Parkinson’s and lewy body dementia.
I know it’s early days still but I’m trying to find something, anything really, that might eventually help me find some peace and acceptance.
I haven’t been to church for many many years but was thinking it might be something that I’d like to do. Does anyway have experience of going to church for the first time since a bereavment and, if so, did it bring you any comfort? Must admit to being nervous going on my own but I don’t have anyone that would go along with me. X
I only used to go to church maybe once a month, being a Christian is part of me. I have never had any doubts about it, no idea where it’s come from as neither parents practised at all. Before S died I was about to join the choir, I cancelled via email and told them why and I asked for the vicar to contact me. She unexpectedly called at my home, to be met by me in floods of tears. I hadn’t spoken with her before but she was so full of compassion and even performed a small ceremony for him the eve before his funeral (as I knew there would be no religion at the crem service).
The first time I went back to church I did get a bit upset, but held it together and nobody noticed.
Perhaps you could contact the church beforehand? Explain your circumstances and what you feel you might need. You may also need to shop around for the most appropriate church for you, where you feel most comfortable.
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Thank you for your reply. How lovely that the vicar personally came round to see you. It sounds like her timing couldn’t have been better too.
I think I will take your advice and make contact first as that will be a bit less daunting.
Thanks again, I’m sorry for your loss. Sending hugs x
Thank you x
After losing my mum, sister, 2 brothers and my mother in law all within 3 years I decided to go back to church. I was fortunate that it was the church I grew up in so a lot of the congregation knew me and what I’d been through. All bar one of the funerals had been held there too. As soon as I walked in I felt I belonged there and was made so welcome. My husband had cancer for 3 years before he died from it and at times it was only the church that kept me going. Martin wasnt religious but respected anyone’s belief and became really good friends with one of the clergy during his illness. When he died the church made sure he had the funeral he wanted and they’ve propped me up ever since. Going back to church was the best decision I’ve made in a long time and I really hope you find a church as welcoming and friendly as ours. May God bless you and help you now. XxX
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Thank you @Kaytoo I’m so glad you have your faith and it has helped, and is still helping, you through the saddest of times and that you have the loving support of the congregation.
Having read your message I know that this is something I now want to do, I hope I am lucky enough to find a welcoming Church that can help me with my journey.
Take good care of yourself xx
Went to a spiritualist church last night for the first time last night. But didn’t really get anything from it really. Medium was hit n miss to start with regarding people. Bit weird and then someone like asked me if I knew a Margaret no I don’t I replied. Yes you do, he was a medium. But I don’t, and I guess I wasn’t convinced was glad to get home. I’m not really religious but obviously want to believe that mum is somewhere and in a better place.
I just want to get back to who I am really, I’m not really religious. But losing mum has impacted me like everyone here. Myeloma has added to that as it made me more vulnerable. Being alone is also having a impact, I now started saying hello to a fly, obviously the fly can’t talk back but it’s a lifeform. Put some Cure on as music is a part of who I am. I think I rather be in a bar then a spiritualist church, But drinking might not go well with my modification. So I can’t really be me because life won’t let me. I grew up with music and got into DJing in 1986. I need to be around people, but just got a fly as company at the moment. I need to start on ironing today as it’s a different day to yesterday. I guess I built myself up for last night and now I want to forget the experience. What I want from life, I’m not getting at the moment. Life is so dissapointing! I got a fair bit done in the flat but I don’t own it so one day that will benefit someone else. I think for now taking a break from spirituality but I still want to believe there’s something better then life on earth and people as they are the biggest threat. The saying the dead can’t hurt you but the living can is so true.
Hi Keith,
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time at the moment and the spiritual church didn’t help you. I don’t think a spiritual church is for me at the moment, I think I will try a sunday prayer service with others who do have a lot of faith.
Maybe something like that would help you a bit more, especially with having to deal with an illness. I think some support for you would be a bit of a lifeline.
I’m not really religious either but am hoping to find a friendly church where I can explore whether it’s something I want to continue with or not.
This really is the saddest journey to be on.
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Saddest, depressed too and lonely too. It’s horrible!
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I guess we just have to suffer day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. Today is a real eye opener to how this country has plunged to the depths of no return.
Hi Keith. For what it’s worth here’s my twopenneth. We are all different, some have faith/beliefs, others don’t, and yes we have to respect that. We aren’t here to debate or criticise anyone’s beliefs or choices. For some, spiritualist churches may be ‘helpful’, others not. Some of us have ‘religion’ whilst others don’t. It’s ok to have faith, it’s ok not to. But what we all have in common here is deep loss, pain, that void, and loneliness.
For me personally a spiritualist church is a no no. Those who have passed, as terribly as we miss and want them, should be left in peace. Just my opinion here, but understand it isn’t everyone’s. I respect all beliefs, but for myself I chose to be a Christian years ago.
Having just lost my beloved daughter, boy have I had questions about it to my God. And yes anger too. Why? The awful suffering she went through, why? I don’t understand and maybe never will. I still believed/believe in my God, but began to wonder about His power, His might. I began to wonder about prayer - many prayed for my girl, and many prayed for my husband 13 years ago when I lost him. Still the suffering occurred, still the end result was the same. And YET I still hold on to Him, still believe he is the answer, and yes still believe he is there as my destiny for heaven, and yes that my daughter and husband await me. Whatever our beliefs are or aren’t (and trust me I don’t think I am a very good Christian, but I hold on), we here have all suffered this awful pain, and all need our comfort from somewhere or something - currently i have a plush of my daughter’s constantly. Comfort. Sorry for going on, and don’t underestimate the fly - he is indeed life, and nothing wrong with talking to him. We are doing the best we can on this horrendous journey, and we are here for one another.
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