Citalopram

As grief for my dear wife means life seems to be getting out of control, pointless, not worth living. Crying each day, continually seeing her last moments go through my mind like a film (Horror flick) on a loop. Being unable to concentrate or get on with everyday tasks, I have seen my GP.
He has put me on Citalopram, does anyone have experience of this please? He was honest and said there is no cure for grief, but that this would help me get through to a period where I can control it.
I even broke down in his surgery, so he had first hand experience of what has happened/is happening. Does not help that I felt like a complete idiot weeping, but nothing I could do, it just happens, I miss her so very, very much and just want her here with me.

Hi Blizzard…I am so sorry to hear you have lost your wife and believe me I do know how you are feeling after losing my son just a few months ago, it feels like your world as ended…Do not worry about the tears it shows the amount of love you had for your wife…after losing our son it was the first time I had ever seen my husband cry and I respected him for it…
Regards the Citalopram its an antidepressant prescribed for panic attacks and depression the only problem being it can take up to three to four weeks to feel any benefit from it,my doctor put me on Diazepam but truthfully I think it’s only time that can heal…My thoughts are with you,take care…Marina x

You don’t say how long ago your wife died, but you described exactly how I am feeling, following my husbands death four months ago, I too have days, like today, when I spend all day in or near tears, and I find the daily, endless emptiness of life so very hard. I take Valium occasionally, usually when I can’t sleep because of stuff that is going on in my head, and it does help a bit, I know that citalopram did help my daughter when she became very depressed some years ago, so I hope it helps you. I go for very long walks and spend as little time as I can at home, because home is so full of memories, and walking helps.
All the very best, Jan.

Thank you both for the replies. My wonderful wife died 12th March 2018 after 47yr of marriage. I loved and still love her deeply. I will give the tablets a try. Can’t be any worse than at present. Each day all I want is to be with her.

Hi Blizzard,

I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. I can understand that all you want is to be with your wife. My dad kept saying that when we lost my Mum 4 years ago. They too had been married a long time.

I have been on citalopram. I was feeling completely overwhelmed after my Mum died & was also in an unhappy marriage. I went to the doctors and ended up crying in front of her, I just couldn’t stop. Slowly the tablets reduced my anxiety and I felt more in control, crying less. I took them for 6 months after which I gradually started reducing the dosage. Some people are on them for longer.

It is only time that can help us gradually move forwards and grief never really goes away, it softens over time & we learn to adjust to a new way of living.

Do you have anyone close to you who you can talk to? It’s really important to be able to talk about how we’re feeling.

Keep talking to us & take care. Trudy x

Thank you Trudy,
Yes, I have grown up children I can speak to. They have been a great help to me dealing with all the things I was incapable of. Slowly, very, very, slowly, I am learning to deal with this grief. I still want her here with me or me with her. An impossible dream, but she was and is my life. I was her full time carer for the last 10yr and still keep looking for things that would help her. Stupid of me, but done that for ten years, in fact for about 50yr I have spent my life trying to do or get what would make her happy. Happiness now does not exist. Life is meaningless. I just hope the tabs take some of the edge off this grief. But it is nice to have somewhere like this where what we feel can be expressed. Those who have not suffered grief can never understand, I did not and wish I still did not know about grief.

Just to say I have taken the tab. So far got through today okay but still keep seeing my darling wife’s last moments like on a loop, running through, what passes for my brain. There is also something else about this that greatly affects me. Not something for a general post. If anyone is interested message me. It may be other folk have had a similar problem, but until I have spoken to my children I can’t post about it.I am calmer yet still suffering. I did not know what grief was. It is a hard lesson. Thank you to all kind enough to read and especially to those kind enough to answer.

Hi,

I rememer when I started taking the tablets that I gradually started to feel calmer and not so manic and anxious. It does take time though. The other thing that I did was to make sure I was eating properly. I know that if very difficult sometimes but I did find that caffeine and sugar made things worse for me.

Yes I know what you mean. It is lovely knowing that we have people who understand what we’re going through but that means we’re all on this painful journey that none of us want to be x

Hi
I don’t feel there is much I can say that can ease your grief but I hope that my experience of Citalopram may be of interest to you.

I adored my mum and she lived with me and my sisters. When I retired I devoted myself to looking after her. She died in February 2017 at the age of 92. In the last year of her life the demands of caring for her became more and more exhausting, and I found myself developing a lot of worrying physical symptoms which turned out to be stress-related. I also became very short-tempered and could be quite nasty to my mum at times.

Unable to cope, I went to see my GP and she put me on Citalopram (20 mg per day). This was six months before my mum died. I noticed a difference after a couple of weeks and so did people around me. I was much calmer and had the patience of a saint. The snappy bad-tempered me had disappeared. Despite the Citalopram, the last couple of weeks watching mum die were dreadful and I don’t know how I would have coped if I hadn’t been on the anti-depressants. However, since she died I have felt largely indifferent. I find this quite upsetting sometimes - as if I didn’t love my mum enough to grieve. However, most of the time I feel neither happy nor sad. I have always loved poetry and find great comfort in reading poetry about grief. I am also trying to rediscover my faith.

I am still on the Citalopram so that makes it about 18 months. Sometimes I feel I live in a permanent muddle - my memory is poor and so is my concentration. The lack of feeling so little pain over mum is disturbing me and sometimes I wonder should I talk to my GP about coming off the medication. However, Citalopram has definitely helped me coped with life and I can’t bear the thought of being a horrible, bad-tempered, snappy person again.

Although I seem to be largely numb or indifferent, I do not want ever to “get over it” or “move on”. Mum was huge to me and my wobbly faith makes me hope that one day we will be reunited. In the meantime I am resigned and contented to lead a lesser, smaller life.

Since mum died I have really wanted to be a good person like she was. I never like to impose my religious views on other people so I hope you don’t mind if I say a prayer for you and also say
Good Night and God Bless
Marigold

Thank you for sharing such a difficult period of your life Marigold. I am finding that I am more peaceful since on the tabs. My problem was not being bad tempered but constant tears up to the point where I could not deal with life. I still miss my Chrissie so much it hurts more than I can describe.
Thank you too for your prayers. Chrissie and I are both believers so I know for her it is “absent from the body, present with the Lord”, no more pain, suffering or fear. But, it may be selfish, I still want her here with me. Life seems so pointless without her it is just an existence where I do what I have to. I still find the times when I am on my own very difficult to live with, her last moments going over and over through my mind.

Hello Blizzard
So sorry to hear that you are also going through this terrible devastation that the life you had has gone forever.

I understand your pain as I lost the love of my life 10 weeks ago quite suddenly and unexpectedly. My darling husband and I did everything together and we loved being together always. My loss feels unbearable and I like you can’t stop breaking down in tears so much so my eyes are covered in big red rashes.

My doctor put me on Cialopram early on and it really does help me get by as without I don’t think I could cope. He also has prescribed some Lorezapam as and when which I take usually at night to help me get through when my mind is out of control. I wouldn’t get by without and they help keep me grounded a bit and not really down like I have been that I don’t want to go on without him.

Blizzard give them a try and see if they help. I was willing to try anything as I felt so desperate but I am trying now to do some things slowly but will never get back to doing the things I did before.

I send my best wishes to you as feeling like this was unimaginable before I lost my husband

Keep strong and trying as every day is a struggle.

Rosa

Rosa, I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. Yes you have described how I feel. For over 47yr Chrissie and I did everything together. There is nothing I want to do without her. I see my GP next Monday and might ask about the other tabs as, like you, I keep thinking I should join my Chrissie. I know that would be wrong, but can’t stop thinking it. We had such fun together. Always a laugh and a joke. We liked the same things and same places. Now all is meaningless and empty. Where I am, what I do, does not matter. I exist not live.
As for tears, they are not natural to me, but for her I cannot help shedding them. Her last moments go round and round in my head. Makes me feel like I am going insane. But will speak to the GP again.
Yes, every day is a struggle Rosa, sometimes every minute and I cannot find a cure for others or myself.
My best wishes and empathy to you Rosa.
Blizzard

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Going out to a meeting tonight. Don’t really want to but can’t face being indoors on my own. Just keep thinking about my lovely wife and missing her so very much. Don’t really want to do or go anywhere without her. But so upsetting home alone I have to do something.

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I do this and just go to the supermarket or anywhere just to get out of the house. In the house are reminders everywhere and the time just goes so slowly.

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I understand that Rosa. Going out did me good, but now back in the empty house. Will deliver a letter to local council that I could post and get some items in supermarket to top up shopping. Don’t need to do either, but like you say Rosa, it gets you (me) out of the house. I just get memories and sadness flooding in.

Hiya Blizzard. Sorry for for your terrible loss, the way you talk, sounds like me. I was married to my Ann 46yrs, and the final few years was her full time carer. She passed away last April. I to, never forget the last desperate look in her eyes before she passed away in front of me. I’ve managed to get through the last lonely year without drugs. Grieving does become softer over time, but life is never the same again, on your own. And I still get upset hearing certain music, seeing certain places. There is no magic pill. I carry a small soft teddy she loved when out in familiar places, that comforts me. And I do talk to her, as some say, they hear you. Just cherish the memories, and cry and shout out! Your not alone in this terrible situation… John

I am sorry to hear of your loss John and even sorrier that I know exactly how it feels. People tell me “early days” so when do they end? I feel as devastated, lost, hopeless and without any meaning to life now as on the day she died.

I don’t believe we ever loose our grief Blizzard. How could we, if we loved our partners so much, how could we ever forget them ever. It’s just the heart wrenching feeling of loosing half your soul, which reluctantly, over time you learn to except. Being now retired, like you, still feel lonely, with no direction. Like you, it’s good to get out the house, I visit my father each day in a care home for dementia, and help out where I can. But it’s still awful to come home to an empty house, where once raised a family, loads of noise and laughter, now empty and quiet, will never get used to it!.. They also say God has a plan for us… I’m still waiting… John

Perhaps John you have already found your plan? To visit your father. I know how difficult that could be with dementia from my wife.
Just need to find out now why I have been left here as don’t want to be.

I know how you feel but I am trying to think that my lovely husband would not have wanted me to feel so bad and he would want me to keep going. I’m sure your dear wife would want the best for you. It’s so hard to be positive isn’t it but we have no alternative but to try for our loved ones.

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