Clearing his belongings

So we had the funeral and burial a couple of weeks ago, it was the most painful experience I’ve ever endured. Saving grace was his mum who I focused all my support on.

Last weekend I cleared his stuff that is now sat in my spare room until I’m ready to go through it. His clothes that he last wore and have not been washed still have his smell and everything has memories attached.

I sat up the cemetery with him after having a coffee, angry at the situation, why him? Why us?

The messages from friends/family have got less and less already, everyone is moving on and I’m stuck. I’m back at work but I’m just going through the motions. I’m having therapy weekly but paying lip service.

I’m broken and cannot find my why at the moment. I’m missing the conversations everyday we shared, the reason to get up in the morning.


Hi I’m Nel. I know how you feel. I have all my husbands possessions in the front bedroom. Went through some paperwork and cried all over it. I still have the clothes he wore when he died and have not washed them because his smell is still on them. I cry for what I have lost but am so great full that we met and had twenty wonderful years. I miss his hugs Take care x


June passed suddenly and unexpectedly in front of me 7 weeks ago tonight. June’s Funeral was held a month to the day from her passing so two weeks ago now. We were inseparable for nearly 44 years. I have today arranged the headstone. I’m still in a state of shock on medication which I am taking sparingly as possible. June died from an undetected reason to her known ones (MS and cancer). I have multiple files of paperwork going back decades to do with her illnesses to destroy and that’s before I look at her clothes. June had a twin Sister who I hope will help me but I know how difficult it’s going to be for both of us. Hurting deeply. Tony


I’m sorry for your loss. My husband had a cardiac arrest in front of me and died a month later. The pain is unbearable It was ten months ago. I have tentatively started to go through some things but it is not easy. Take your time and don’t rush. Grief is different for everyone. Move at your own pace It will be hard and there will be tears. Cry when you need to and don’t hold back. Talk about her. Your wife may have died but your relationship has not. People expect you to get over it but how can you get over a lifetime of love in a few short months. We will eventually learn to live with our loss and try and cope with life hour by hour at first and then maybe day by day. She will always be with you in your heart. Take care. X


Thank you Nel.
Totally unexpected sat at the kitchen table. Heart too. Tried cpr under instruction although I was trained decades ago. June was a qualified Nurse retired and had gone through the mill. The shock was immense and still is. I think she breathed again but stopped and when the paramedics arrived they could not get her back. I relive it multiple times daily. It’s so hard for us all. Thank you for your advice. Tony


Hi Tony. I relived that night for a long time but is does fade a little. I try to think of the good times when I have a sad thought. Nobody will understand unless they have experienced what we have. Sudden death is not easy. There is denial and your brain just cannot cope with it. Give yourself time. I talk to my husband everyday. I tell him about my day and I kiss him goodnight. It helps for me he is still here watching over me and I take comfort from that. I feel it will take a long time to move forward I bought a puppy and he is a full time job. He is a warm body and a livening friend. I don’t know what I would do without him. He is life in the house that relieves the silence. X


Thank you both, just knowing someone knows how it feels is enough.
You don’t know what it is like until you experience it, something I’d not wish upon anyone and the worse pain imaginable.

I collected all his artwork I had drawn/made for him over the years, I’ve hung them up. His plants I bought for him, peace lillies ironically, said he’d never look after them, they are thriving, he looked after them, the pots he kept them in still have all the mementos dotted in them that we collected together over the years Little pottery hearts, shells/sea glass from the beach and even a Swedish paper flag from IKEA when we had meatballs a few years back one Sunday afternoon looking for furniture.

I’ve been listening to radio 2 and smooth chill, all our songs keep playing when I’ve never noticed this before.

How am I going to do this so called thing called life without him?


Nel, I did the same, oddly I bought a puppy a few weeks before I unexpectedly lost him. Maybe it was the universe’s way of saying I’d need a companion.

He has kept me in some form of routine, he’s currently running around the bed chasing my feet. Having his mad 10 minutes that he has every night before snuggling in with me.

Sometimes angels don’t have wings, they have 4 paws.


Hello Nel & OS77
Thank you for your support both. I talk to June too Nel. I have her picture on the countertop so she can watch the soaps! I ask for forgiveness for the things I got wrong including not saving her. I cry uncontrollably at every opportunity. I went into panic on the night despite having dealt with life and death situations for decades.
I have thought about a pet but have never owned one and have no family to look after it if I was ever incapacitated. I can understand they are a very good distraction and good company. Thank you for caring. Tony



I took the plunge and got one anyway, there’s a great site called puts you in touch with local people that can’t commit to owning a dog but will help out when required daily……with no payment required! It’s worth a thought? Whether you’re the owner or helper of someone with one, it may be good company for you.

They really do give you that company that’s needed.


Hiya took me a year to clear some of johns clothes out give them to cancer research but kept his dressing gown and slippers can’t part with these it’s 14 month since john passed and it’s so hard don’t cry all day but cry maybe once everyday it’s part of grieving they were our life and always will be love annie x