Clearing his house

My dads little quirky house was one of the happiest places I ever lived. Today I turned off the aga. The clock has stopped. The grass is high and his roses are blooming. Slowly clearing away two generations of family history. Can only manage a little at a time…

Hi there I have started slowly to sort my dads house out I can only do a little at a time then I need a break for a week or so, I cry every time I go there but I’m guessing that’s ok, I go into over drive when I’m there sorting things I have left his bedroom and living room how it was can’t face packing that up yet dread when it’s all gone can’t even think about that just now it’s very hard sending you a hug

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Thank you, I’m sending a hug back. Its a very painful thing to do so be kind to yourself. I find I’m extremely tired after doing a bit, probably because there is so much emotion involved.

Thank you it is you go through a range of emotion happy memories things they have kept that make you smile and then the sadness of the fact there not here anymore living there life. I found my grandads death certificate and the bill my dad paid for it- was like looking at history repeating its self if that makes sense. I can only do it in bits it’s still far to raw for me haven’t tackled any for a few weeks as I’ve had funeral to pay for probate to do that’s been enough but I’ll have to go there again soon part of me likes to keep it as it was as I have somewhere to go to feel my dads there silly I no but his dressing gown and everything is still out like he’s still there, I always feel tired after it to and couldn’t sleep last night had a horrible dream here anytime you need a chat thanks for listening x

Dear Wease,
I can totally understand your feelings about sorting out the family home. I am in the same situation over my Mam’s house. She passed away over 7 weeks ago now but everytime I go to her empty house,I’m overwhelmed by sadness.I keep finding photos and family stuff from years ago and it sets me back. I’ve been doing a little bit of sorting out each week but it’s not easy. I tend to put a lively radio station on to break the silence and sadness.I know exactly how you feel … each time I move something,I feel that I’m dismantling my past and memories and so I dread going there. I keep imagineing Mam sitting on the settee watching the TV etc.It all gets a bit too much but people say it gets easier - I so want that to be true. Craig

Hi Craig that’s exactly how I feel I get angry thinking he should be here as usual/normal not gone. I find things that make me smile, make me ache and hurt, some that make me think what the hell did you keep that for! I have moved some previous things out others I’ve left their got a feeling I won’t be able to do the lot for a good few months and I don’t think that’s a bad thing , some days I can’t believe he’s gone , other times I go I just hold his clothes and sob into them I find when I’m here I go I’ll throttle and do a lot then can’t go again for a while, people say you grow around grief embed it in your life and build yours around it , sorry for the loss of your mum Craig take care be kind to yourself

It took me near on 2 years to clear my husbands things and then I felt so guilty I sat in front of his picture apologising. Obviously kept a couple of things but one of the hardest things I have ever done
Sending lots of love
X

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Hi Jen,
I share your pain. My brother, sister in law and I have been clearing my mum’s house after we lost her in March of this year. I was born there and my life is there. Everywhere we turn there are memories. I guess that this will be the hardest thing we will ever do.
When I tried to clear her drawers I sobbed so much that I couldn’t see what I was doing!
Hard to see how it will get better but I suppose it will. I know that my mum would tell me to get on with it and stop whinging!!
I’m so sorry that you lost your lovely dad.
Gill

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My husband died 7 months ago I have tried to sort his clothes but each time i try it breaks my heart as it seems like I am losing another piece of the life we had together and also feeling guilty at the same time as like you it us one of the hardest things I have tried to do. Sending a big hug to you xx

Thank you.
There is something so personal about clothes. They trigger so many emotions. Yet if our special people were alive we would throw their old clothes away for them without a second thought! Odd really.

My husband died 5 months ago and when I try to sort out his clothes it feels like I am wiping him away and feel so guilty.They upset me when I open the wardrobes and they would do the same if they werent there.so I can’t win.So made a decision when I feel stronger will keep those things I loved him in hanging with mine.sending love and hugs xxx

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I thought the same. But believe me you will know when the time is right.
Thinking of you
X

Comforting to read people’s posts, went there yesturday cleared the clothes out I haven’t seen him wear for years, DVDs he hasn’t mentioned for a while and books I no he never read , felt like I was making a start without it being to painful. But equally the house is staring to look different now which hurts not ready to do the other stuff that I need to yet suppose there’s no rush, his treasured things mainly are in storage which is better guess somethings are going to be harder than others sending love to everyone be kind to yourselves x

Just take your time. There is no rush. It is hard but whilst I will NEVER forget my husband he is not coming back & I need to start moving forward. His clothes will go to Sue Ryder who were amazing in our time of need so he is giving something back
Xx

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Agreed , my dad’s has gone to British heart foundation and in time so will the rest when I can face it take it easy x

Hi Crouchy,

I’m really glad to hear that Sue Ryder helped you so much. Thanks for thinking of our shops for his clothes - we will really appreciate the donation when the time comes. The money raised by our shops is really important in helping to fund our hospices and other services - including keeping this Online Community running.

Jen 777. People are giving very sound advice here. Just do it a little at a time, it’s much easier.

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My husband died at the beginning of April. I have just started cutting up his shirts to make a patchwork memory bear.I know I can’t keep all his clothes so I’ve just kept a few my special memories e.g… Xmas jumper. It’s not easy and I find I just sort a few things out each week.
Thoughts are with you all, Katy

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Thats an amazing idea. I too kept my husbands christmas jumpers in the hope I will find comfort should I decide to wear them
X

Sorry for your loss, I have kept the coat I saw my dad in and that will be going into a memory bear and I will cut a shirt of his up for a patch work quilt , nice to do things like that as you can’t keep it all and it keeps it special x

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