Mam died in jan 2020 and my dad in October 2020 and I’m finally brave enough to start clearing their house.
I feel better for it but I also feel guilty getting rid of their furniture. I’m giving away the larger items to a scheme that helps out low income families so that’s a good thing right? But I do feel bad too. I’ve sold a few things and given other things away on Facebook.
I bagged my mums clothes up when dad was alive, at his request, and bagging dads clothes was traumatic too.
We will be renovating the house and moving in ourselves eventually. I’m keeping some things that mean a lot to me and my sons have asked to keep a few things too.
I feel like I’m cold for doing it. But I know it has to be done. It’s years of my parents life that’s just being sold or given away.
How have you felt when you’ve needed to do it? I know I’m lucky as I didn’t need to rush. I can’t imagine how it must feel when you need to hand keys back after a week or so.
I had to clear my Mum’s flat almost immediately as it was rented from the council. I have kept a lot of her things but a lot was given to charity shops, things which weren’t sentimental etc. All the important things I’ve kept, including some of her clothes.
I think having to do it straightaway was a good thing, like ripping off a plaster. I actually couldn’t do it now, I couldn’t have left it.
I have some items to sell and I know my Mum would want that. I didn’t get rid of anything that I felt a link to so I have acquired a lot of things but they have memories and sentiment attached to them and I like having them around.
Yeh I’m keeping mams jewellery and I’m going to find someone who can do a collage with them.
I still haven’t gone through my dad’s stuff yet apart from his clothes. He loved to keep things so it’s going to be a wrench.
I remember when I was going through mams handbag and I found her lipstick, I cried so much cos she’d put her lippy on to do the garden. I said to dad I can’t throw this, so he got up and put it in the bin. He said you’ve got to do these things. I kept her purse though.
I’m going to go to a car boot once we’re allowed and sell a lot there. I have so many memories and photos that’ll last me a lifetime.
Did you have anyone to help you? I have half siblings but we don’t get on. I’m glad I’m being left to it though. My bloke is helping me.
I’m doing this now. The house completes next week and it’s been horrible clearing everything out the last couple of weekends.
It’s been 8 months since my Mum died and I’ve often gone to her house, to sit, watch TV, get some space & have loved it as I can imagine her there & always get flooded with memories of happy times.
I get that this is something we need to do & she would want us to move on but it almost feels like I’m losing the last connection with her & has brought back all of the raw feelings
I’m so glad I found this post. I am currently torn between moving in into my mom’s or selling it. I can’t bear to sell but don’t want to live there really. My daughter wants to but it but I don’t want to have to go back there. I can’t make a decision and I go around in circles. Why is it so hard? My mom would tell me to do what s best if she could see me faffing .
Dad told me he’d like me to live there once he’d gone. At first I was really not sure (when he was alive, as it meant living there was without them which made me so sad). Then after he died I felt closer to him and my mum there but as time has gone on I’ve changed my mind so often. But since I’ve been there daily going through things I now know it’s the best thing to do.
It’s a lovely house and we’ll be much more financially better off for it.
I may have doubts again but it is what makes you happy. One thing I do know is I wouldn’t like to see anyone else living there.
I had to empty my mum’s flat couple of weeks after she died because it was in sheltered housing. I found it really painful, as though I was erasing her existence for the last 15 years she lived there. It was so full of her things, and at the same time so painfully empty of her. It just all hurts. I now have her things around me in our house, and I’ve found it is just as awful starting to sort it all out and decide what to keep. I don’t suppose anything makes it any easier does it - we just have to go through it, like the grieving process. Glad I found this post thank you
I’m still trying to sort things. The garage is difficult as my dad was a hoarder and as a retired builder he would hold on to loads of things “just in case”.
I’m so down in the dumps right now. I feel your pain, you’re going through your mums things twice really aren’t you
Thank you Parrot09 - it does feel like that, yes, although reading through the posts it almost doesn’t seem to matter how it happens, because it’s all so hard. I get what you mean about ‘just in case’ - mum still has (had) boxes of her art stuff even though it was years since she could do anything because she couldn’t use her hands due to rheumatoid arthritis. Good luck with sorting out the garage - it isn’t easy
