Collected ashes today

Wow that’s amazing. My dad died 29 years ago as I gave birth to my son. About 5 years after he died. My younger brother was on holiday. A random woman came up to his wife and asked if she could speak to my brother. She said yes. The woman said my dad wouldn’t leave her alone and she had to speak to my brother as I would be too scared for it to be me. My brother was yeah yeah disbelieving. The woman said your dad is saying tell your mum some things. And if your mum agrees. Ask your mum to say she forgives him so he can carry on over. The things he said to my mum. My mum said it was something only her and my dad would know. I talk to my mum every night out loud. Just say things like I hope she can walk again. Has her mind back. And is happy and safe and that I miss her and live her so much. Omg tears. I also talk to my mum about things we did in happier times

Wow. That’s amazing. I do honestly believe and it gives me enormous comfort. They are happy and at peace. And one day we will all together again.

1 Like

I do think we all meet again. I have a lovely picture of holding my mums hand. And my daughter and young grandson and me holding mums hand on day she passed. In the nicer weather we are going to go to her favourite beach. Take ashes with us. Buy fish and chips her favourite and hold hands over the ashes. I would live if she held her hand in ours on that day

Thats why I hated counselling. It just made me cry for an hour every week and did nothing to help.

A friend said drink it will not go away but get you through it. I said no I dont want to turn to drink. I like a drink dont get me wrong. On day of her funeral I didn’t have a single drink. More out of respect for my mum as she wasnt a drinker. And I didn’t want to blitz it out I wanted to remember. The funeral was the fastest and it was a blur. I have a copy of the service and try to read it. Not got all way through yet. My grandson said the most beautiful thing. He told his mum his heart was sore. She asked him why was it sore. He said its hurting because nanny has gone now. He was there when she passed and sobbed at the actual time. He then put his arm around me and my daughter and said. Let’s not be sad now. Nanny is happy and shes not hurting now. Shes smiling. Was the best thing anyone could ever say

My mum wasn’t a drinker. But I did have a few drinks during the wake. By the time everyone went I then hit it hard and husband carried me home. Mum would not have been impressed :rofl:. But I did need something to get me through the day. It was a boiling hot day too. To be honest mum would have hated it not only because it was her funeral obviously. But she was a very shy quiet private lady. But loads of people came because she was so well respected. She would have hated that attention.

Good on you. Nothing wrong in having a good drink.
This might sound strange but my mum always said she wouldn’t want a fuss either. Her sense of humor she wanted a hand to pop up at the end and wave as she went away. Never could find a hand. Mums service spoke of her life and antics she got up to. I think she would have been pleased. We dont have a big family and it was only 16 of us including a few family friends. The part I find strange is after only 4 weeks but nobody apart from my daughter and a long time friend of myself ever ask how we are. Other family members showed up. Drank. And then nothing. Each to there own. I made a point the next day checking everyone was ok and each week. Now that my mum would hate. I’m just glad she came to live with me as she loved the company. She would hate being dependent on me but like I said before even though hard I would still do it all again for her.

Hi confused1,

Everything you just said is like my mum. A hand popping up would have been brilliant. My mum was so funny and I still cant believe she was taken so suddenly.
Like you I never hear from anyone. Mum had a large family but they never see how I am. Neither do her friends. My mum also came to love with me. Not because she needed to, she was fully independent right up till the day she died, but because we hit on so well and we thought it would be nice. And it was. I just wish she got longer with us here because the house just isnt the same
Cheryl x

Its lovely you had your mum living with you. Special memories forever treasured. It’s sad families drift away. It’s as if we dont exist anymore. Or dont want to hear if you are finding some days hard. Although may e they feel the same. Just reaching out to each other even if just monthly would show everyone still cares. Sadly in my mums case once she moved in with me. Family didn’t send birthday cards etc. As if she didn’t exist anymore. When she could still walk she needed special shoes and slippers. It was coming up to Christmas and I suggested to family if stuck for Christmas presents we could all put money towards these. It yet again fell on myself and daughter. My younger brother said he would only see her if she was dying. Why why why. I and my daughter and grandson have made so many memories with my mum. And we adapted to her needs at the time. One time we couldn’t take her out for her birthday we were going to do a hi tea. That didn’t stop us. We bought a cake stand. Sandwiches cakes. Cut them small and placed on cake stand. Bought a tea pot and nice cups and saucers. My mum absolutely loved it. Other patients and their relatives smiled. Even the last week of her life we spent every day holding her hand. Talking to her acting completely normal with her. Again was just myself daughter and grandson. When my mim was able to talk etc. She used to cry and say how much it hurt her the others not wanting to know her unless birthday Christmas Easter. And mum would say that visit all of 10 minutes was just to see what she would give them. So I’m really glad that mum came to live with me. Her last 2 years were special. Laughs. Meals watching her programs. Just so many lovely memories

Mums last birthday her 70th was a wonderful day. I sang happy birthday to her using helium from her balloons. She laughed so much. She videoed it and always watched it back. Said it was her favourite birthday.

That sounds so funny and amazing. Your mum sounds like same sense of humor as my mum. Such special memories to remember. On her anniversary you should do the same with the balloon and tell her you miss her and love her. Your mum will have a good belly laugh at that

Yes that’s a great idea. It’s in April just before Easter. I’ll get the same helium balloon. She will laugh her head off. She had a fab sense of humour. So shy and private but her sense of humour was amazing.

1 Like

When we viewed my mum. There were tears. Short lived. We tried to take a hand print. Disaster and looked at my mums face and it had a tiny smirk. That was it we said mum/nan will be laughing her head off at us. So a bitter sweet experience. We managed to get a perfect thumb print which my daughter will have tattooed with some ashes. (Not for me). When my mum was alive we often spoke about my daughter having a tattoo with her ashes. My mum was so proud that she would do that. Then as leaving to go out my grandson tripped up. Again we all laughed as would my mum. It was his choice we tried to get him to change his mind bit he was so adamant he wanted to say goodbye to her. I think it has helped his journey being able to be part of everything. He attended the funeral in a 3 piece suit. He looked so tiny and gorgeous. He asked for a suit and wore it all day including the tie. He had an amazing connection with my mum. Understanding her needs when the dementia took her speech away. Very grown up beyond his tender years