Collected ashes today

Hi

Picked my mums ashes up today. It still doesn’t feel real. I don’t understand why it’s not hitting me. I am questioning am I normal. Do I not care. What is wrong with me?

It is totally normal. It doesn’t feel real most days for me either. We lost dad at the start of November. He’s in the living room quite happy and will stay there until we scatter him at sea in June. I see it as my dad giving me strength to go on.

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Thank you Hannah. That means a lot. I’m going to scatter ashes at sea too. Not sure when as I cant think that far. It’s so strange feeling numb and not accepting. I keep waiting for the thud and emotions. I’ve cried lots leading up to the day and on the day. But have little things that make me cry. Maybe I’m expecting too much and think all emotions will hit hard then settle.

I had to pick my mum’s ashes up as well. I felt exactly the same and it was like I just blocked my feelings out. It is so surreal to see them in a different way, I still haven’t really come to terms with the fact that it’s my mum in there. But at the same time it’s comforting to know she’s finally at peace with herself.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I felt the same when I picked up mum’s ashes. We had to wait months before they were interred and they sat in my spare room - it just seemed surreal. Grief comes in waves and, for me, it feels worse 1 year on, some days, than it did at the start of the process. I think it slowly sinks in that they aren’t just away somewhere. I know that time will make it easier, but I think it gets worse before it gets better In my experience. But everyone reacts differently I think. X

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Yes the hardest part is realising. “They are not anywhere”. They are not on holiday. They are not at home. They are not anywhere. I saw a photo today. And the corner of the photo you could see mums legs. I thought to myself. Those legs are gone. I know that sounds strange. But it broke me.

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I think exactly the same jooles. Those fingers are gone that mark on her head where she fell down some steps in her teens. The scars on her knees from her knee replacement surgeries 6 years ago.
All gone.
Its so weird

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Yes Cheryl. I get it. I remember mums hands. They always needed hand cream. I remember the wrinkle at the top of her nose. Her green eyes. Her lovely long slim legs. My legs are the opposite. :rofl:.
All gone

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Thank you for all sharing with me. I am happy and relieved my mum is no longer suffering. I hate feeling numb and I think as it is just 4 weeks since my mum passed, maybe i do just feel she is away.

My daughter and i are going to have keep sake teddies made. And have her voice put inside. And a small vile if ashes in each.

No idea when as the ashes are still inside a carrier bag the box came in.

I honestly do appreciate your comments and they help me in that I am normal after all.

It’s strange because their bodies will never be here again but we remember every bit of them. I still struggle. I was cooking dinner tonight and all I could think was 9 months ago mum would have been here having dinner with me. Coming for a ride when I just dropped my daughter to guides. If I allow myself to sit and think I just get tearful.

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In a way I lost my mum about 6 months ago because if dementia. She lived with me and I was her sole carer. Hoisting her. Washing. Dressing. Feeding her. Literally everything for her. I didn’t mind or feel resentment as she cared for me as a baby and child and was least I could do. It was extremely hard as I couldn’t get carers. Then mum had to go into hospital with sepsis. She went from there to a hospice and god knows how was still with us. Not entirely in mind but we still laughed at the mist stupid things. I reminisce with my daughter about shopping trips. Holidays we had with my mum. And things that make us laugh we always say mum/nan would live that and laugh too. I can cry. I did a lot over the last 6 months. And if I think about my mum a lot then I can cry. I’m not hurting. And to think that’s going to hit like a thud. Just not sure when. Thank you for replying

I honestly sometimes think the first few months are easier in some respect because of shock and disbelief. Then it hits you like a tonne of bricks. The pain. The immense sadness and just overwhelming longing for them.

If I sit and think I dissolve into tears. I went to counselling yesterday and told her about the moment I walked into the hospital and saw mum after she collapsed. I immediately burst into tears and could barely breath I had to stop and take several deep breaths before I continued telling her about it. . I never think about that moment. As that is one of those memories I have locked in a box that I don’t often visit.

Thank you. What you have written makes sense. I’m sorry it’s been all about me. I hope your doing well. And hope all of you have peace. And the hard times become easier over time. If that’s the right way to say it. I think I mean that the sadness can turn to memories which are good. I do hope I’ve written that in a nice way as it’s what I mean

I was with my mum as she passed and still see her face as I try to sleep. It was very peaceful and if I’m honest has made me not afraid to pass if it can be as peaceful as my mums. My daughter and I did the last rites. We washed mum and dressed her. Brushed her hair. My daughter wanted to do it as the last thing she could do for her. I wasnt sure if I could. But it didn’t frighten me. It felt natural to do it. I have to drive past the crematorium most days I blow my mum 4 kisses. And feel I need to do it each time. Some may say it’s an obsession but feels right to.

You talk as much as you want. We all quite often talk of our own experiences and pain. It’s part of our grieving process. No need to apologise at all. We all talk about ourselves. It’s the one place we can come to where we can do that without judgment.

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That’s not an obsession that’s a ritual. And it’s a lovely one for you and your mum. At night. I hold my hand out when I get into bed and pretend she is holding it. Then I say night mummy.

Thank you. This place really helps. And as time goes on hopefully I can help others through my own experience as I go through each stage.

You will. We all go through the stages. And we walk each other through each one.

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Aww that’s lovely. Hopefully your mum holds her hand out. I’m not comfortable of visitors when they have passed. Although it would be nice just once for her to let me know shes ok. My mum was full of a brilliant sense of humor and through life she said she would come back and haunt certain people. I made her promise not to with me and she laughed. We all did.

I went to a medium a few weeks ago. And hand on heart she said to me. “Your mum holds your hand at night when you hold it out for her”. Now unless she has been reading these forums. I will never know how she knew that

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