At the moment I’m feeling very guilty. I seem to have accepted that shes gone. It was only 9 weeks ago but for various reasons which I have posted on here before I have to sell our house and find somewhere smaller. This of course amongst all the other stuff that has to be done when someone passes away has occupied my mind somewhat. Of course I’ll never forget her and shes still on my mind a lot of the time but as I’ve posted before about crying much of the time that doesn’t seem to happen so much now. Things do happen still that make me cry but I can think of her now without busting into tears. I read on here of people that have lost loved ones years ago and still cry constantly. Shes only been gone 9 weeks so should I be feeling like this. I do realise that in my case I have to make some plans for my future because I have to find somewhere else to live but it doesn’t stop me feeling bad about it. 9 weeks is such a short time. She knew I’d have to sell our home and wanted me to so I suppose I’m doing what she knew would happen. I’m currently saying with a member of her family. My furniture is going into storage and they are about to move so theres so much going on in my head right now. Am I really moving on after only 9 weeks. This can’t be right.
No you aren’t moving on. You are just getting things in some kind of order. I never cried at my husband’s funeral. I held it together wonderfully and everyone said I was so strong. Three tears later I find myself breaking into a million pieces over the tiniest of things. A song, a certain thought, a photo, a place we used to go. Grief is a journey. I never knew what people meant when they said this but I know now. Please don’t feel guilty at how you feel because we can never all grieve in the same way. It hits us in waves and it comes at it’s own pace. Just keep going day to day and accept it as it comes. I am so sorry for your loss
Sorry for typo. I meant 3 Years( not 3 tears later)
Thank you Angiejo2 for your reply. Everything for me seems to be happening so quickly although circumstances dictate that I haven’t got a choice. I was sorting the house and her things out just 2 weeks after she passed away. It was so painful doing that and it felt , and still does, so callous and uncaring. When I read of other people that still have their loved ones things about them and haven’t moved or sorted anything I think why am I not doing that but as I’ve said in my case I really didn’t have a choice. Its tough all this. Isn’t it.
Hi Peter
I am so sorry for your loss, I understand completely how you are feeling as I am similar. My husband was 67 and we were married for 45 years, after a very short illness he died in August. I too have not really cried, I have brain fog all the time and feel I am still carrying on, I have joined a gym going walking etc,but feel guilty because I’m not crying.
A friend of a friend told me that she lost her husband and has only now had the grief hit her after 2years. So who knows. Take care, look after yourself and good luck with the move.
SanB. Thank you.
Hi Peter
You are welcome stay strong Sandra
Hi Peter I lost my husband in august and I think our grief journey is different for all of us so please don’t feel bad, it’s difficult having to make changes when you’re feeling so vulnerable, just take care of yourself and do whatever brings you comfort, I feel guilty too sometimes because wether we like it or not time does not stand still and we’re all moving forward without our other halves, I’ve taken the dog out this morning and the sun is streaming through the trees so beautifully and I think how can it be when my life is in tatters, it’s the complexity of life and life is cruel, thinking of all of our poor sad souls xx
HI Peter.
Some people find comfort in holding onto things of their deceased beloved. I found it so painful looking at his clothes and bracelets in the wardrobe that I emptied everything out and put them in bin liners so I wouldn’t see them. I couldn’t even keep his ashes in the house for a long time because it felt sureal. My daughter kept them for months before I finally brought him home. Even now I have to cover his name on the box and I keep him in his wardrobe under a cover. I loved him too much to accept the truth of losing him. I can look at photo’s now but only when I am having a good day. So there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Do what you can as and when you feel it is right. Only you knows that. X