Coming up to 4 months

coming up to 4 months and i am finding this worse than at the beginning. Although it was extremely sad to organise Stephen’s funeral it was celebrating him so I made sure it reflected him. Now the funeral is long over and the initial fog has faded (a very little) I am finding this stage worse. It’s all paperwork and trying to find some hope for the future when he is not going to be sharing it with me. Emails crop up reminding me of things that I will never be able to do with him again, case in point our annual trip to Swanage , our trip to London for the wildlife photographer of the year exhibition. I’ve noticed that whilst some people are not checking in with me as regularly as at the start so I have to remind myself this does not mean they will not support me, more I need to reach out if I need them. I don’t feel as numb as at the start but at the same time I know he would want me to be happy it I am going to need to figure out in time what that is going to be for me. I am losing my job in march, something that I knew before I lost him so I feel I am grieving twice. Any words of wisdom? Thank you xx


Hi and 4months is hardly any time at all on this journey so take it slow and dont put pressure on yourself .Im 9month in from losing my partner and though i get some better days now its still so hard to adjust it will take time ive not figured it out yet but have kept trying to make new friend and bevevment groups also helped me .This forum has been so helpfull xxx

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I wish I could offer you words of wisdom but I am still floundering. It will be 6 months on the 29th of this month since my soulmate passed away, 6 months yesterday when he had his heart attack and spoke his last words to me. I gave up working when he died and have just recently started doing some voluntary work with AgeUK. I was walking home from my day with them and I looked up towards my flat window and it hit me again that he was not there and would never be there again, I started crying on my way in and haven’t been able to stop since. I have good days and bad ones and this has just developed into a bad one. I have to hold on to the belief that things will get better as I can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this. Sorry, I’m sure that this is not what you wanted to hear. But bear in mind everyone is different, you have hit me on a bad day. Tomorrow is a new and hopefully better day


Hi @Annde
So sorry to here how your feeling today.
I think this happens to each of us along this new journey we find ourselves in.
Last week i was feeling really bad could not stop crying and thoughts of coming home to empty house no more laughter jokes company. It has been 7 months and we were together 37 years half of my lifetime so living on my own now so strange.
Each day is different today i was out sorting out mums house she has just gone into long time care and has dementia. So lost my husband 7months ago and losing my mum too due to her illness.
Life is so tough but like you say, tomorrow’s is another day. Hope younfeel better.
Take care :broken_heart:
Lynne x


Thank you Lynne, strange how some days can be so much worse than others. I think I have felt unsettled all of this week. My daughter and SIL came up at the weekend and rearranged my sitting room for me. I like the new layout but I feel guilty that I have changed things around that had been in place for years. I know it’s daft but it feels like I am betraying him by changing things. I find myself constantly telling him that although I have moved his seat it’s still there for him. Roll on the summer and some lighter evenings, these dark days of winter have always made me low and this year is so much worse. :hugs: Ann x

Hi @Annde
It us very early days weeks for you.
Last week i decided to shred his paperwork he kept everything going back to 2005
Even his paperwork for some qualifications at work. But i felt so sad like i was destroying his existence. I havent yet got round to clearing bedroom drawers or bedside cabinet which has his personal items. I know i will have to do sometime but not quite ready at this time.
Its just the sadness of moving or giving away items he loved and used ie power tools but really no use to me.
Hopefully this will get better
Hope you sleep well this storm is very wet and windy
Lynne x

Hello, this grief thing is really rough. My lovely Mark died 4 months ago tomorrow. His clothes are just where he left them hanging, every coat pocket has a dog poo bag and an inhaler. I took his little car last week to sell and that was awful. The poor car salesman didn’t know what was going on when I was crying my eyes out. How can you get so attached to an old car? Just taking one day at a time :pensive:

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Hi @Clover4
How are you doing today
These storms and the weather here in Scotland are terrible just rain and wind.
Like you i still have lots of personal items around just cant bear to start clearing everything. Did some things like shoes and coats which i gave to charities hopefully some people can use these. I too gave back car as i don’t drive but tears and heartache :broken_heart: as i did this as another part of him gone. Feel like i’m removing a small part of him each time i do this.
Guess all we can do is take one day at a time some days will be better than others.
I will go back to volunteering soon as i need to keep busy which i did in the first few months now i seem to have slowed down.
Hope you have a good day
Lynne Xx

Hello Lynne, the wind has calmed down slightly here. I managed to get the dog around the park. I need to see the sea each day, it was quite spectacular this morning. I know Mark isn’t there but he spent so much time at the beach with the dog it makes me feel better. Going to take some daffodils in a pot to the cemetery now to brighten it up. Your volunteering will be a good distraction for you even for an hour or so. It helps to feel that you’ve achieved something. Nothing helps us be happy at the moment but at least it’s a sense of achievement. Thank you for messaging. You are very kind :blush:

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Hi @Clover4
Hope you have a good day.
At least the storm is over and the sunnus out even although its cold out there
I’ve just fixed the bird feeder as broken and also one of my trees had broken in half.
Still a lot of people around me had fences down so quess quite lucky.
Take care
Lynne x