It’s nearly 12 months since I lost my soulmate of 35 years. The 16th of July would have been his 70th birthday, he had his heart attack on the 22nd July and after a week in ICU I lost him on the 29th. He never regained consciousness but at least I had the week to say my goodbyes. I am really dreading this next fortnight, my daughters have arranged events to keep me occupied and for that I am grateful but I know, however much I try not to, I am going to relive that last week
I have created a new life for myself, I am 77 but pretty fit and I’m doing volunteering work with our local AgeUK in the day care facility and in their singing for the brain sessions but I’m still so lonely at home. It’s strange because I can be happily going about my day and I will suddenly be hit by the loss and the reality of the fact that I will never get to see him again.
I take solace in the fact that he didn’t suffer, it’s those of us that are left behind that have the pain and although I don’t think it will ever go away I have to believe that it gets easier to bear
It sounds like you’ve been trying really hard to go on living without your partner and have built a life that you can manage. I’m sure he would be very proud of you.
It was my husbands birthday on the 12th July, which was just 4 months after his passing - he would have been 57.
Me and my kids had a semi plan and the day was sad, but positive, as my youngest made a huge fry up brunch and we walked up a Monroe, then had candles and a cake. Things that he would have loved.
However the days since then have been some of the hardest, and I feel so much pain and just wonder what the point is now.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say except that we probably just have to go through these hideous times. It is hard , it is painful but hopefully it will get easier at some point. Maybe we need to prepare for the worst, but hope for something better. Sending strength for your difficult week. Xx
@roni52 it is still very early days for you. I have just been away for a couple of nights with my daughter and on the way home I realised that tonight is the anniversary of the time we last shared a meal together and the last night that he slept in our bed, tomorrow is the year since he had his heart attack and then was in ICU for a week before he passed away. I am not looking forward to this next week but will be going back to my daughters next Saturday and will be with her and my SIL for the anniversary of his passing.
I’m currently sitting in front of the TV watching the darts which he would have enjoyed
It’s so hard isn’t it. It’s good you have planned for some support for this awful time. I’m sure that will help a bit, but I suppose nothing can really take away our pain. Hopefully time will help dull it somewhat.
Look after yourself this week and try not to dwell on what was happening last year - easier said than done but you’ve managed to get through the first year and that’s something to be hugely proud of.
Sending some strength for the time ahead xx
@roni52 thank you. I do think time is a great healer. Time and finding things to do (I now volunteer several days a week with our local AgeUK daycare centre) and although they are always saying how grateful they are for the help I give I have told them that it has been a huge help to me, it’s given me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings