Community Bereavement Cafe - 26/05/21 at 3.30pm

@Stephtim that’s lovely you’ve been able to seem more of them recently. Have you been anywhere nice outdoors or indoors now restrictions have eased a bit?

Yes, they have been round, since the restrictions have eased slightly, taken them out to the park a few times, hopefully more places soon.

Hello Aife,
Like @Stephtim I think this is potentially a good idea for people to reconnect. I wasn’t sure what format it was going to take. I almost forgot it was happening at this time. Hopefully people will dip in and out for mutual support. We need to get used to it I think.


Hi Barbara, nice to see you here x

That’s really nice @Stephtim and hopefully the weather will get a bit nicer soon so we can enjoy more time outdoors.

@Jobar thank you for coming along, it’s nice to see you. I think you’re right, the format might take a bit of time getting used to. It’s great to be able to run these on the community. How are you doing?

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Thank you Steph,
I know we’ve both gained enormous support from this forum. I’m far from ‘getting there’ and sometimes the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel seems to have been extinguished but without our messages and the exchanges on this site I have no idea how I would be. I’m sure that applies to many of us.
I joined the forum just as the first lockdown started, five months after John died so suddenly. I found it quite by chance and so wish I had been directed here earlier. I was advised by my GP to contact our local hospice for help but I had to wait 10 weeks before I could be assessed and then another two months before I was offered counselling. The week lockdown came into effect so no face to face. I attended one coffee morning and then it all closed down. So many newly bereaved people were left in limbo and without forums such as Sue Ryder goodness knows what we were supposed to do. Couldn’t even see family and friends for support. Truly horrendous.


Thank you Aife. My days are very unpredictable. After eighteen months without my husband I’m still expecting him to come through the door or through the side gate into the garden during the summer. I had no experience of grief like this until he died and was totally unprepared for its devastating effects.
Being able to communicate with others who truly understand is vital to survival, however precarious that seems some days.


I couldn’t agree more. I would be lost without this site, I’m so glad I found it, it took me about two months to pluck up courage to post after losing Tim, so glad I did as our messages help us through this horrific nightmare.
We don’t feel so alone, I think it helps a lot of people as no one else can come close to understanding .


It’s really lovely to hear how valuable you find the support from the online community, thank you both for sharing that. It sounds really hard having those face to face support options being closed as well as not being able to see family during these lockdowns. It really shows how important online support options are.

@Jobar I’m sorry to hear about your husband, I’m sending you lots of strength :yellow_heart:

I’m thinking of you too @Stephtim, I’m sorry to hear about your loss :yellow_heart:

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May I ask @Aife, if Sue Ryder has contact with bereavement centres in hospitals or with GP surgeries? Sadly, the leaflet given to me when my husband died in A&E in the early hours of the morning was two years out of date. (This was acknowledged afterwards as being worse than useless) .
The lack of training for bereavement is woeful. I have been googling GP duty of care for bereaved people and it seems that it’s very much at the discretion of individuals doctors as to how far they feel they can help. It’s apparent from this forum that experience varies hugely from a lot of support to none at all.
Everyone seems to have heard about Cruse and hospice counselling but at no point was Sue Ryder ever mentioned to me. I believe that at medical school every trainee doctor should have a compulsory module on bereavement with talks given from representatives from Sue Ryder and other similar agencies. This could include extracts from posts from contributors to the site. For example I think there are a couple of contributors whose posts resonate so honestly and with such insight it would have greater impact. Sometimes the posts are shocking but they are heartfelt and couldn’t fail to make their mark even on the hardest of hearts.


@Jobar that’s a really great question and I’m sorry to hear about your experience . I can hear how let down you felt about being given information that was out of date. We do have connections with GP surgeries across the UK where we have our own leaflets in GP waiting rooms and they have information about our counselling service and online community.

I’m hearing that you’d like there to be additional training to trainee doctors which is really important, you’ve realised some really valid points. Do you mind me asking what support you were told about in A&E?

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Thank you all for coming along to the community bereavement cafe today. It’s been really nice to chat to you all. I’m going to be closing this topic shortly. I hope to see you again next Wednesday at 3.30pm.

If you’d like to get support after this topic closes, you’re welcome to make a new topic on the community.

Take lots of care and speak to you again soon :yellow_heart: