My ex died 2 weeks ago. We couldn’t live together because he had all sorts of problems but I stayed connected and tried to look after him when he was ill towards the end. We have two young adult children. It’s only now he’s died that I realise just how much I still love him… and the regrets are all over me. He declined in recent years and I feel I let him down. I’m arranging the funeral, which I want to do, but every day there is something that consumes me…what kind of funeral, what do the kids need, what does his elderly mum need…sometimes it all comes at once and it is too much. Practically, the funeral is proving really difficult to organise date/ venue wise and I hate the thought of it dragging on, for him and for me. I’m waiting for a venue to ring me back and if that date is not free, we’re back to square one. I have people to turn to, but I still feel very alone. I have normally coped with grief in a quiet, calm way, but I’m scared at the strength of my feelings. Please could you share your experiences?
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What your feeling is perfectly normal and seems to be common in grief.
It can all be so raw and all consuming at the beginning. I’m 3 months in and feeling life is manageable.
I think looking back and analyzing everything is also normal. The what ifs, the why didn’t I, I wish I had, does he still, I wish I could. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. And what’s that saying, you never know what you’ve got till it’s gone!
Unfortunately, nothing can be changed, please don’t be hard on yourself. Take small steps and take each step as it comes.
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Thank you so much for your reply. I’ve just looked back in for the first time. You were right things have moved on and it feels softer now. I hope you are OK x
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