Complicated Grief/PTSD

.My word has stopped although time still keeps ticking .I watched my love, my life , my everything painfully die over 5months.i relive that every day .I am stuck and can t seem to move forward .Please help .as I know and i
Wont keep carrying like I am .Something will give
If it means ending this pain to be with my husband I will gladly take the chance.

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Hi Shorty123 all here feel your pain. It feels like it is never going to go away. Waking in the morning with sadness because they are not here going to bed is a comfort for a time as sleep relieves us from our thoughts.
Do you not have family or someone nearby to meet with.
I am 7 months at 1st i was so hopefull to leave this place. But i am fortunate I have family that are there for me. I dont wish myself dead but I dont care if it comes.
You sound so sad and lonely and the only thing I can offer is what is here. I wish I could offer you more. Just having someone to talk to can help in some small way so I hope by being here and talking writing u will find some peace

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All my friends are busy with their children and just don’t know what to say anymore…Don’t have children or family. My wonderful inlaws are 5hr drive away .We talk on phone but they are grieving the loss of their wonderful son I end up crying and making them cry …I dont want to do that .I am in no ones bubble. I am completely lost and feel so alone …I spend most my day in bed. Once the cats have been fed that’s it .Just take my pills from doctors and another day passes by …All my curtains and blinds remain shut since my husband died…I feel I don’t belong anywhere…So exhausted and I don’t do anything apart from cry and stare at the walls and sleep.
I am completely broken. And I feel I will die of a broken heart …I feel worse now if that can be possible with every day I wake up .

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Hi, I wished I could wave a magic wand for you and everybody else to have returned what was taken from us but as you know unfortunately that will never be possible.

Throughout my life I came across the phrase, heaven and hell, I always perceived heaven to be upwards towards the sky and hell I never had an any idea at all. When my beautiful died hell smacked me in the face full on and only exposed itself from that moment on.

Very sadly the only option we have is to deal with every awakening moment as best as we can. Take care you will be reunited one day as I will be and everyone else, that’s my belief. B x

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Hi yes it does get worse and some days are just not worth waking for. But then their are days that a glimpse of normal pops up.
At 1st i just wanted to lay in bed it where I found peace away from everyones normal.
Some days i thought i would not be able to take that breath that overwhelming moment when you sob so hard that that intake of breath stops for what feels like forever then something kicks in that causes you to exhale and life goes on.
I have no magic pill or potion for you i wish I did please take comfort that you really are not alone whilst you are here. I know we cannot replace what you have lost but I hope you continue to post and hope it helps

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I can only say that I remember the feeling you describe as if it was yesterday. I too wanted to lay down and never wake up again but that is not how it goes. I am two and a half years into this journey and I can only say it does get easier, not better, just easier, I still feel the grief which comes now like a tsunami and catches me unawares but in between I can function. The lockdown has made everything worse I watched my husband die over many years and finally for five days in a hospice. I didn’t want him to go and like you I shut down completely. It is only now that I have a longer view and I know that he stayed longer than he wanted because of me. This in itself was an act of love. I name my grief Hotel California. You can check out but you can’t leave. Just do what you want to do try and look after yourself even just a little bit and keep posting on here as people here truly understand what has happened to you unlike others who can only guess.

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Hi , 6 months on I am trapped in hell and as much I try I can’t find away out or even forward. I am frozen .Since my husband died all I live on is cereal. Just can’t seem to eat normally. A neighbour kindly brought a roast dinner round .It smelt lovely and looked lovely
One mouthful was all it took .i was reaching to be sick .I just thought of my husband how he loved his sunday roasts .We would dance around and be silly in the kitchen…and reality smacked me in the face he will never eat a dinner again…He would hate me being like this .Hate me crying and yet I can’t change this distraught feeling I have …I have gone the other way of destroying myself…I know there are millions of people out there with their problems and losses .and bereavement. I really don’t know how you all are doing …Each day I feel worse…and more alone …The house has looks like a bombs gone off it . I used to try and do something but even that as stopped. Spend all my days in bed just take sleeping pills to get through a day .I go to bed crying and wake up crying and even been dreaming that I am crying. I feel like I am sinking further into this endless pit …Stopped caring about everything. The house .me …haven’t washed my hair 3 weeks now or washed for 4 day … I look around .nothing matters anymore not even me.Just so tired .I just can’t find even a baby step forward. THEY SAY I HAVE COMPLICATED GRIEF/PTSD
HOW DO I GET OUT BEFORE I SINK FURTHER. I have isolated my self If I start speaking I start crying…then bad headaches come and migraine. A circle round a d round I go .

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Thankyou for your kind thoughts…I can’t find away thro this .

Hi Shorty123,

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

You deserve care and support so please, Shorty123, get in touch with one of these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,

Hazel
Online Community Team

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Hi…Covid as made everything so much for the entire population…
Two and half years seem like the end of the word to me I dare not think about tomo .When my husband died they forgot to bury me
I am sure I am going crazy .I struggle going into supermarket. It was a simple joy that I took for granted. Making my man something lovely to eat …Can’t even listen to radio it will start uncontrollable crying .Something never in a million years I would be doing is self harming. Just to give me another pain to take over my heart pain…I am broken and I feel totally exhausted just to face another day of misery

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