Complicated grief

Haven’t posted here for over 2 years, but just felt the need to connect with other people who understand grief, and all the depression and anxiety that goes with it.

I supposed the passage of time does make a difference. I wouldn’t say that it actually heals, more that one just learns to live with it. I had grief support about 4 months after Mum died in 2019, but on reflection I think it was too soon. I was still numb and not really feeling anything, I mistook that for coping and having moved on.

2 years later I was feeling worse than ever, so reached out to a private counsellor for both grief and other mental health support. Things were going ok and it was helping having her to talk to; by then due to covid, we were working remotely. Then she became very ill and had to stop working. I found out that she died earlier this year. Suddenly all the things I hadn’t been able to allow myself to feel over the death of my Mum came flooding to the surface, triggered by the loss of my counsellor.

Due to the counselling relationship being a unique one, of course I didn’t know anyone else who knew her, so unlike when you have family or friends to turn to, there was no one. Part of me feels as though others might question my grief over her loss, that I don’t really have a right to it; so I’ve pushed it all down and tried to move on. But it is still so raw and mixed in with the emotions around the loss of Mum.

Life is just totally ****.


Hello lost 66

I have just read your post and what an unfortunate thing to happen! The things you must have shared with the counsellor and then, having her die while being in therapy is just awful and I can understand why you feel so bad…

I lost my own mother almost six months ago and although I can manage my part-time teaching job, life isn’t the same and I know it’s going to go on for a long time.

Have you thought about trying to get someone else for counselling?

I find myself irritable and just wanting to be very quiet all the time! I like you are trying but it’s really hard so I completely sympathise but I would spend some time here and you will get some support.

Do reply if you want.

1 Like

My god that’s awful as you had built up such a good relationship with your counsellor. She sounds like such a special person.