Complicated grief

Coping with bereavement
#1

Is there anyone who has or is experiencing complicated grief?

My partner died 20 months ago. We had known each other for 20 years but we’re only together for 3 years.

Our relationship was difficult and I felt trapped in it. His last few weeks were a bit of a pantomime what with ex wives visiting him and children that didn’t know his secrets, that I was keeping!

I found out he’d been having some kind of ‘friendship’ with my so called best friend in the summer prior to his death. I knew nothing of this. He’d been vile about me in messages to her and she’d been reciprocating.

I broke down in the hospital when I found all this out. I was ostracised by him and everyone involved.

There was the first ex wife openly kissing and cuddling him infront of me and telling him she loved him.

I was a spare part and so was my son.

It goes on but I don’t want to bore anyone else.

I feel completely alone.

3 Likes
#2

Hello @Lisaann5 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling alone. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner and the difficult situations you had to manage. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to have a read of the following Sue Ryder article -
Complicated grief - signs that you need extra support to cope
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/complicated-grief/

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Alex

2 Likes
#3

I’ll listen. I was with my husband 25 years, married for 21 years when he died. I thought I was close to my stepdaughters but it all changed when he died. The eldest basically accused me of hiding his will. It’s been horrible, though nowhere near your problems.

2 Likes
#4

I hear you. It’s like a double whammy. Trying to grieve the loss of your partner but also deal with unresolved issues from the past.
I had a complicated relationship with my Mum who died in April. I was separated from her for a time when I was little and it greatly impacted me growing up. Yet I miss her terribly despite it all. I think it’s hard for us as we didn’t get to resolve things while they were alive?
Thinking of you xx

1 Like
#5

@Lisaann5 I am not sure that you have complicated grief as I was diagnosed with complicated grief as my husband died suddenly. I went to work on the Saturday and Sunday my son rang me to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. Just 53 years old. it was Very traumatic as was unexpected and I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. Found out that he died of undiagnosed kidney cancer which was a massive shock. I wish that I had died instead. It does sound that your relationship with your partner was complicated. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Not very nice for you at all. I hope that you have a good support network. Please take care and big hugs xx

#6

@Hazel.1966

We all have a right to feel what we feel without being contradicted.

1 Like
#7

@Lisaann5 yes totally… every one grief is unique to them. I am sorry if I came across like that. Didn’t mean too. X

#8

I grew up in Northern Ireland with the troubles and being very aware of my parents having sex and having affairs. It all felt dirty. By 13 I was very promiscuous.
Both my parents s have gone now just when I want to ask why? At nearly 59 I feel like a little girl at times. My husband took all my insecurities away. I’ve another eye infection caused by my endless crying.