Complicated loss has ripped family apart

I lost my Dad 3 years ago and my step dad 1 year ago. My family won’t talk about my Dad. My brother and I are estranged. I only see him 3 times a year. He is nice person but after Dad died I stopped making all the effort to contact him as I realised how one- sided it had been and hoped he would step forward which hasn’t happened. In January I messaged him to ask if he could spare 3 hours to meet up by the end of February and so far he said ok but has made no effort. He and my sister and I fell out over the stress of selling my Dad’s house. I wanted to keep it and give them their inheritance from mine but they wouldn’t entertain it. ( I only asked once ) Then previous to that my sister had major problems we all helped her with but it was traumatic and has permanently changed us all. I cannot talk about the anguish of my grief to my family and have just one friend I can trust. I miss my Dad and stepdad so much my chest aches. My stepdad collapsed and died on the street after doctors ignored a mild stroke he had. There are other things that would take too long to explain. My place in my family has altered and I don’t feel I belong. I’m polite and caring to my mum whom I see about once a month but I can’t talk about feelings to her as she doesn’t get my explanations. My only solice is knowing I will see my Dad and step dad in heaven when I die which will be within next 4 years or so . I have a severe disability which is killing me and at times it is a relief to know I am going. I am isolated, my deteriorating health has caused my friendship circle to dwindle considerably. It is tough not having my dad and stepdad. I have regrets about what I didn’t do for my Dad and about 1 argument I had with him when his personality was altered by his stroke and I didn’t know at the time what had happened. So I have to keep my grief to myself as I can’t share it. I tried cruise but it didn’t work out for me.

Hello Iris,
I’m so sorry to hear about everything that you have had to go through with your family. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Take care,
Online Community team

Hi Susannah,
Thankyou for your reply, it was good to receive.

Hi there, I’m sorry for your losses. It is something no one else feels but you. I lost my Dad in November and like you my chest still aches when I think I’ll never see him anymore. I burst into tears often when thinking of memories or just thinking how much I miss him. Like you, my family isn’t the same anymore since losing my Granda 6 years ago, uncle 6 months before Dad, and then him. Ive always thought I didn’t belong but since losing Dad, it’s apparent more now than ever. I don’t see anyone either and am very much alone in the grief. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to cry with about the loss. People tell you to reach out but never think to just message or call themselves.
Sorry to hear about your own illness, it can’t be easy living with something so serious. I watched my Dad slowly fade away for 9 years and never had any support in it.

Keep posting. You’re not alone although you feel it a lot. I have found that reading others posts brings me some comfort. Do you have anyone around you to talk to?