Complicated loss has ripped family apart

I lost my Dad 3 years ago and my step dad 1 year ago. My family won’t talk about my Dad. My brother and I are estranged. I only see him 3 times a year. He is nice person but after Dad died I stopped making all the effort to contact him as I realised how one- sided it had been and hoped he would step forward which hasn’t happened. In January I messaged him to ask if he could spare 3 hours to meet up by the end of February and so far he said ok but has made no effort. He and my sister and I fell out over the stress of selling my Dad’s house. I wanted to keep it and give them their inheritance from mine but they wouldn’t entertain it. ( I only asked once ) Then previous to that my sister had major problems we all helped her with but it was traumatic and has permanently changed us all. I cannot talk about the anguish of my grief to my family and have just one friend I can trust. I miss my Dad and stepdad so much my chest aches. My stepdad collapsed and died on the street after doctors ignored a mild stroke he had. There are other things that would take too long to explain. My place in my family has altered and I don’t feel I belong. I’m polite and caring to my mum whom I see about once a month but I can’t talk about feelings to her as she doesn’t get my explanations. My only solice is knowing I will see my Dad and step dad in heaven when I die which will be within next 4 years or so . I have a severe disability which is killing me and at times it is a relief to know I am going. I am isolated, my deteriorating health has caused my friendship circle to dwindle considerably. It is tough not having my dad and stepdad. I have regrets about what I didn’t do for my Dad and about 1 argument I had with him when his personality was altered by his stroke and I didn’t know at the time what had happened. So I have to keep my grief to myself as I can’t share it. I tried cruise but it didn’t work out for me.

Hello Iris,
I’m so sorry to hear about everything that you have had to go through with your family. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Take care,
Susannah
Online Community team