Complicated relationship and grief

Hi :wave: I’m new here. I just hoped somebody might be able to give me some comfort and advice please? When I was 19 I lost my Nan and my mum to cancer. They died 3 months apart and then 3 months after that my dog died. As an only child I struggled to process all that loss and I couldn’t really get help from my dad as he was dealing with his own grief. 6 months later he met a new partner and he fitted straight in to her family life with her and her 2 daughters. That’s when I lost him metaphorically. She moved into my parents house with her daughters and took over. After that he never really had much to do with me or my children, but spent lots of time with hers. His rejection caused me lots of trauma and I struggled to have any relationship with him at all. Until the last 2 years. I decided to forgive him even though he wasn’t sorry because I couldn’t imagine how I would feel one day if he died and we were on bad terms. Well 2 weeks ago he died very suddenly of heart failure. His wife was understandably devastated and rang me to come round. I was there while his body was still on the living room floor. The whole day was awful but my stepsisters were lovely even though we hadn’t spoken in years. Everyone was hugging each other for comfort abd every day since I have been round to help and chat/make brews. But it’s very painful for me listening to all their family stories with my dad and meeting their small children who knew him as Grandad. Our whole village who loved him will be at his funeral but only reached out to his wife and stepdaughters and not me. I thought I’d managed to move on from his rejection and it took me years, but now I feel back to square one. I’m supposed to be speaking at his funeral but I feel like everyone will be judging me as they all presumed on the grapevine that the distance between me and my dad was my fault. I don’t think going round to his house is helping as it was my childhood home with him and my mum. I once went round and found my mums ashes buried at the back of an old wardrobe :sob:

Hello @Star7,

I’m very sorry for the loss of your nan and mum, and your dad, too. That is so much to cope with.

I really hope you find the community to be a support to you. You might want to read @Jojoba 's thread. They also had a complicated relationship with their dad and you may understand some of what each other are going through.

Your loss is very recent - please do try to be kind to yourself right now. You matter and deserve care and support :blue_heart:

Keep reaching out,

Hi @Star7
I’m sorry to hear that you are being treated this way, & sorry for your loss :pensive:. Sending hugs of support.