I’m very sorry for the loss of your nan and mum, and your dad, too. That is so much to cope with.
I really hope you find the community to be a support to you. You might want to read @Jojoba 's thread. They also had a complicated relationship with their dad and you may understand some of what each other are going through.
Your loss is very recent - please do try to be kind to yourself right now. You matter and deserve care and support
