I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @Jojoba. It sounds like it was very traumatic for you, on top of years of the trauma of living with someone with alcoholism. I just want to reassure that the feelings of loss, regret and guilt are normal, and you are not alone.
You might want to connect with @Rach81, who recently lost her mum. They had a complicated relationship, too, and you may understand some of what each other are going through.
Al-Anon family groups also support people who have lost a loved one to alcoholism. They have a free helpline on 0800 0086 811.
When you are ready, you may want to consider bereavement counselling. We offer free online bereavement counselling, which is held via video chat.
Going back to work while grieving can be really hard. If it feels like you can’t face it, please do think about chatting to your GP.
I really hope you find the community to be a support to you, and that you can reach out for further support if you need to. Take good care,
Seaneen