I have lost 3 of the 4 most important people in my life, I went to say goodbye to them all, but , any of them, would of understood, if I hadn’t, and to me, that’s the most important, don’t be influenced, by what you think other people think.
Take care.
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To Georgina - Pete - HJP
Hello again
Just wanted to say thanks from the bottom of my heart for the replies you’ve sent. All of which show lovely kindness. Thanks again and compassionate thoughts to everyone. x
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Hi Tina firstly so sorry for your loss.
My husband died 4 months ago after a long debilitating illness. I wasn’t sure if I should say that final good bye but the funeral director was amazing with me and gave good advice. She said it would always be my choice but very gently discussed with me how fragile he was so I chose not to and preferred to remembered my strong smiling husband. I have my favourite photo of him by me and talk to him often. I hope this helps
Jane
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Thankyou for telling me your thoughts Lonely. I remember “chatting” with you a few times when I lost my Husband just over 5 years ago. I didn’t feel this dilemma then with my Husband but different relationships bring different considerations don’t they. Thanks again Lonely I truly appreciate your comments.
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Hey, I think, like most, it depends on how you feel and no one else. My mum passed about 6 years ago and my dad told me that seeing them after they pass allows you to move on, I seen her and she looked peaceful and I knew she was gone. It helped me accept it.
My dad passed about 18 months ago, it was traumatic as COVID lockdowns had just started and he was at the end of a long illness, the support from the nhs wasn’t there unfortunately as they wanted to put him into a hospice, we respected his wishes and he passed at home. I seen him in the coffin and he was peaceful and similarly I knew he was gone. It helped.
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Thank you Jane, I really appreciate you sharing how you came to decide what you felt was best for you personally. The Director’s sounded really compassionate towards your concerns and sometimes just a word or two can help you piece things together can’t it. I’m sorry too to read you lost your Husband. I’ve been in that position too and understand how bewildering it is. Take care and thanks again Jane
The last I saw of Shell, was bean taken out of the house by the Ambulance crew, I failed when I tried to give her CPR, she lied on the living room floor, with incubators, and people frantically trying to save her, so in my case, I needed to say goodnight, in a respectful way, my last words were please breath, but strangely, when I went to see her, it was peaceful, goodnight gorgeous.
Take care.
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Oh Pete this could have been me. My husband died on our bedroom floor after a massive cardiac arrest. I tried to revive him before the paramedics arrived but he never regained consciousness. He too was intubated and that just couldn’t be my last image of him. So for it was easy to see him in the Undertakers all clean and tidy on his Spurs polo shirt and to say goodbye in my own time. It wasn’t an easy visit for our sons and his sister but we all
was able to say goodbye in our own way with tears and some laughter: he would have liked that.
What a struggle it’s been for all of us.
Best wishes
Georgina
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Thanks Stuart and sorry that you’ve experienced the loss of your parents. Especially so in the chaos that COVID brought with it. I really appreciate you giving your comments. Yes I can certainly understand what you mean about the “accepting” aspect of it. Take care Stuart and thanks again for your helpful reply.
That’s really touching Pete. I’m sorry you had to go through such devastion and heartbreak. I can really see how you would feel comfort from saying goodbye in peace and tranquility to the love of your life, Shell. Take care.
Hello everyone
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts so openly.
I did go today, and I haven’t processed yet what I saw. Some of which a few of the above posters mentioned. I suppose time will tell if it was a bad decision. I think for me it was which is worse, the pain of a bad choice by going or the pain of regret from yet another “if only”. I can’t cope with any more “if only’s”. There was never going to be a best choice, just a “least worst”. Kindness to all and thankyou again.
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I hope, in time, it becomes the decision, you feel you should of made.
Take care.
Oh Tina I am so proud of you and you should also give yourself a big hug for being so brave. It was never gonna be easy you knew that but you got your big girl pants on and went to see your lovely mum. It’s over with now so you can stop beating yourself up and give yourself a break.
Stay strong sweetheart.
Georgina xx
Kind thoughts to you both Pete and Georgina and Thankyou. Keep going. x
So sorry you are having a difficult decision to make.
I was with my husband when he died so i said my goodbyes to him then and didn’t go to see him again. I told myself that ‘the person’ I loved was gone and what was left was a shell of the person he had been. No one can tell you what you ‘should’ do and you shouldn’t feel guilty for a decision you made in the past. I always think you can only do what is right for you - at the time.
I do hope you can come to a decision you will be comfortable with.
Much love and understanding.
Kath x
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Hello GingerKitty
I’m really sorry for your loss GingerKitty.
Thanks for comments, they are appreciated. Remember to take care of yourself as you grieve, easier said than done when your head is all over the place I know. Kindest thoughts to you .
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