Condolence cards...

Seven weeks tomorrow and I still have all the condolence-In deepest sympathy-sorry for your loss cards in my living room, dont know how long I shall be leaving them there, I am in no hurry to get rid of them…

Hi Jackie,
I too am seven weeks in but I can’t sit in my lounge looking at all the deepest sympathy cards any more as every evening they make my mood even lower than it already is which is saying something as I generally sit crying on an evening anyway! I can’t bear to throw them away so have put them in a cupboard now. There are no rules for how we deal with this horrendous raw grief so if they are still comforting you leave them there, I just feel it’s time to move them as they are making me cry even more now…
Take care,
Lynn

When cards were dropping through my letter box, I couldn’t read the verses only saw who’d sent them, I didn’t put them out, kept them on a shelf I’m still not ready to read them…

Yes I too never read the type written verses, doubt I will now, all I read was who they were signed from, and any hand written messages that they wrote…I also knew that the cards that had flowers on the front, my Richard would have enjoyed seeing the most…

I never put my cards up as I knew I would find it difficult to take them down. Receiving them though did bring a little comfort, just by knowing so many people were thinking of me/us. It was around 18 months before I could sit down and really read them and even then it was a surreal experience. I haven’t looked at them since that time but I know I will one day.

When I lost my mum some six and a half years ago, I left those sympathy cards up for months because I felt to take them down would draw a line under it all and that would be the end. Of course experience has taught me that it isn’t the end. Our loved ones live on forever. But because of my mum I knew not to put my cards up when my husband passed, there were too many anyway.

I think we all have to do what we feel is best for us as individuals. No rights, no wrongs, just plain raw grief. Sending love to all xx

I did put the cards out, but never did read the verses. I took them down pretty quickly though as I didn’t want to be reminded just what they meant.
It was Brian’s birthday a couple of weeks ago. I put a card out and it’s still there today and I think will still be there this time next year.
Pat xx

I have a photo of me that I got Richard to take when I had gotten all dressed up on my Birthday in March, we were soon on our way out to go see Psychic Sally which I had booked as she was only there for that one day, on my birthday…Little did I realise that 20 days later Richard will be dead, well not even Psychic Sally could have predicted that not that she picked me out of the audience anyway, I just went for a one off experience, Richard just tagged along with me seeings it was my Birthday…
I may put it on as my avatar photo, maybe just for a short time…

Jackie…

Dislike them with a passion. I never send them. I think they’re the most depressing thing. They should be banned from production :wink: If I owned a greetings card shop I wouldn’t stock them! I received them. Never opened them. Put them in the bin as quickly as they dropped through the letterbox. Ungrateful some of you may say. Maybe I was. I can’t make any excuses. I just don’t like them! If I’ve ever wanted to let a recently bereaved person know I’m thinking about them I ring them and tell them, send them a text message and//or buy a blank card and write my own words. I never buy a grey and white one or, worse still a lilac, purple one either. Oh my Lord…I really don’t like them :slight_smile: x

In hindsight I wish I had kept the Birthday card Richard had given me back in March…

I still have all the cards that we sent to each other. Brian always wrote a poem. Sometimes a silly one, sometimes thanking me for looking after him. I think I will put them all out, they mean so much now. Pat

I am glad I am not the only one that dislikes them. I opened them - read who they were from and put them in a pile -where they still are. Cards are for birthdays, moving house, thank yous, new babies - happy things. I would rather a letter, an email, a text or a phone call - something I can reply or respond to. I know people mean well but they are just too sad and depressing. Send me a photo you have off us with a message on the back - showing happier times and something I can treasure and look back on. Now there is an idea !
Trisha x

I haven’t even thought about when I will take mine down…or what i will do with.them…None are next to his photo, the dogs ashes and dog photos are there, his photo I placed nearest to his favourite dog, although he would tell me he never had a favourite…just scattered along the window sills or on the mantle shelf…

I just put them in a pile. I did read them when they arrived and many of them had long messages full of the love that many felt for my wife. As we had lived in the town for over 40 years she knew so many people and had so many friends and reading the cards I could tell that so many other people shared my loss.
I waited a while and then recycled them.

I did exactly the same, I put them up at first as I felt so guilty that people had sent them so felt obliged to put them up, but eventually as they kept dropping through the letter box I put them in a pile in the lounge but now they are in a cupboard as even the pile upsets me! Sad and depressing they most certainly are and I will never send one to anybody but will telephone or visit instead as they are the worst thing a postman could ever deliver to anyone’s house…x

Yes it affected me when no stamp envelopes dropped through the door from neighbours from our parkhome small community, last time me and Richard saw cards from our neighbours being posted through our front door was the days we moved in welcoming us to our new home and hoping we will be happy here…this was only 3 years ago…

Jackie…

Yes, Trisha. I did that very thing a couple of years ago. I sent a photograph to a friends husband when his wife had died. She was a very close friend of mine from school and one who I treasured. I chose a photo of her taken about 4 years before her death which was beautiful and she was laughing so much. Her husband was in the photo too. I wrote a note on the back simply saying ‘remember this’. It was a night out we’d had for my birthday. He rang me the day he received it telling me it was the only envelope he’d received through his letterbox that had made him laugh and refocus his thinking to his wife’s smile rather than his tears. He still has the photograph in his lounge now and, he sent one back to me in February when I found myself in the same situation. Receiving his had the same effect on me. I do appreciate people are expressing their sympathy and their own sadness to us via a condolence card but there are much brighter ways of doing it than through a purple and grey card. And, who wants sympathy anyway. A simple phone call or knock on the door or text message is more my thing. But then again as I’ve said before, I am a simple soul :)) x

The other thing were the flowers - so many bouquets of flowers - all beautiful in the first few days - and all sent with affection and concern - but I began to dread the knock on the door with yet another bouquet. The ones that meant the most though and lasted the longest were hand delivered by my son’s best friend - who has been in our lives since he was 12 (now 32). But he was a regular visitor to Gary anyway who had been coaching him with his guitar playing and recording him - and of course sitting and having the odd beer with. Those were bright and smelt gorgeous and they were delivered with a hug. His card too was thoughtful and not a sympathy card but a thank you card for the times he had spent with Gary for us welcoming him into our home - and he slipped me the card at the funeral. Some of the other flowers (the white ones) felt like they were more like wreaths - and I found that the house felt almost like a chapel before the funeral. The constant changing of the water kept me busy though! I sound ungrateful - I am not. The brightly coloured flowers were fine though for some reason. Strange how we think isn’t it.
Apologies for the ramble. I am up early and my adult children are still asleep. So instead I come on here and talk through the boards.
It is a beautiful day here today - not sure how I am going to fill it yet - but hope to take joy from the flowers in the garden. I have a mock orange blossom that smells amazing. I wish all of you a peaceful day - with hopefully not too many tears. I have only cried once this morning - so that is progress.
With hugs

Trisha xx

Oh that is lovely - and wonderful that he still treasures that photo. Photos capture so much of the person. I could never understand people having photos around when I was younger - but they represent such special memories don’t they. My daughter has a photo on her phone of Gary pulling a funny face and me just cracking up with laughter. It is a favourite now - as it captures the essence of us - him making me laugh all the time.
I think I too am a simple soul - I want to remember Gary with laughter not tears. I will one day read them all I guess - but I may just transcribe the messages into the memory book we put out for people to write in at the funeral. Those messages were lovely and despite making me cry - were so nice to read. I knew he was one of life’s good guys but did not quite realise how much others thought of him.
xx

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