Condolence gift - too much to cope with!

Hello all

My son Jake died suddenly just before Christmas, and as you all understand I am struggling to even get out of bed, feed myself etc (we put the wrong bin out yesterday).

I think I am probably being unreasonable, but my work colleagues have had a patio lemon tree sent to me as a condolence gift (arrived yesterday). When the loss first happened the scent of flowers made me gag so I had privately asked not to be sent any as they had to go straight in the compost bin. So they have come up with this instead.

I looked it up £65 of hard to care for plant that needs a greenhouse I don’t have to survive the winter, sent to me in January. I’m in tears about it. Ridiculous.

I don’t want a lemon tree or anything. I want my son.

I feel bad but one of my friends with energy is coming to take it away. Am I being unreasonable?

Hello there. Don’t feel bad, I get you completely. I lost my husband 13 years ago and had so many flowers sent me that I couldn’t bear the smell of them. I lost my daughter in October 2024, and remembered that smell and didn’t want loads of flowers around. I appreciated the kindness of people sending them, but in all honesty couldn’t wait for them to wither away so I could chuck them. As lovely a gesture as it is, if I were you, I would give away the lemon tree, nobody will know. You don’t need the hassle of tending it, or the reminder. It’s time to put yourself first x

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Thank you Lydia - a friend is coming round to get it today. It was either that or freecycle. Nice to have the affirmation though.

It’s so so sad and maybe I would have enjoyed the challenge in the before times when my life was whole. Too broken to even do simple things like dusting or hoovering at the moment.

Sorry to hear of your losses too - bereavement is a terrible path to tread xxx

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